For Old Time's Sake.

Hey Blogspot! It's been a long time haha. I've changed since then, yes. But who doesn't change in a year?

I was reading a few of these old posts on here, just to have a quick glimpse into who I was before, and how I've grown, built upon, or strayed from these thoughts and opinions. Very many of the things I shared I can still stand by today; while a handful of things are so different in terms of how I feel about it now. I am heavy on the Twitter now and very much favor it over facebook, (@eaarnest is the name, follow me!) but I still don't use Tumblr. I still am on Facebook, but nowadays its for more practical uses such as finding out when events are or what's happening in my friends' lives. Just for the sake of keeping that line of contact with people I usually wouldn't keep tabs on, I'd probably never delete my facebook. But for my feelings, perspectives, and more pure amusement I turn to twitter (or snooping around other people's tumblrs. Check out my ninja Andrew Beltran's tumblr cuz it's the shit!) Twitter is like, very liberating for me. I can post whatever I want to say, more or less. And having a following is pretty intriguing too because it's not just like a "friendship", it's like a person taking the initiative to know what you say and really caring how you feel. Twitter's workin for me in all the right ways now haha, and its weird since I used to be so anti-twitter. Well fuuuuck all that haha.

School's chill, I've changed my major like three times already. But I'm content with how school is going and what I am taking out of the experience. It's just that it's going so damn fast! Like slow the hell down haha, I'm already going to be a third year in the fall T_T YIKES. At this point I still don't regret coming to Berkeley at all. At all. I am happy with the person I am, the lessons I've learned being in the Berkeley environment about myself and others, and just all the great times I have. I'm thankful for it all.

And I love my girlfriend very very much. It's at a point where I know forreals I have and we have something good together. It's a beautiful thing. She's a beautiful thing haha. I'm just playin she's not a thing

I'm just going to jot down things on my mind now haha.

Joes is the fuckin same, aint shit changed. They are my brothers for life and some of the few people who really know and understand me. When's the next time brufuhs? hahah

Still, FUCK being politically correct haha. I'm loose and I'll prolly always be loose, as in I don't feel the need to ALWAYS be proper with my shit. Like forreals, ain't no Utopia happening around here, nigga haha.

My current opinion about Hip-Hop: Sometimes it's hella annoying when people say "I only listen to that good hip hop, or that positive hip hop" and then on top of that, want to put down rappers like Wiz or Lil B for being who they are. Honestly, fuck y'all haha. Hip hop and rap's always gonna have that "edge" where its offensive; it's one of the things I love about hip hop. Of course they're gonna talk about drugs, women, money, and violence. The artist is just expressing themselves. It's on the listener to make their own decisions. If you're gna be soft listen to something else. Or rap and make it yourself and make the "positive" music you speak of you pansy.

More later? Haha goodnight

Opinion.

I just don't like it when people pass judgment on others on insufficient information. I don't like it when people throw their emotions at people when they have been in the wrong; I feel like people should find fault from within and work from the inside out. I don't like it when people inundate others with the sympathy card. I don't like it when people harass and bully others into things. I don't like douche bags.

I go to UC Berkeley. I work hard in school. I don't like to put up with bullshit from other people. I'm at a point in my life where I prioritize in a fashion that sets up my future best. I don't believe in "Oh, its cool I didn't make it as something, I had fun along the way." Fuck that. Have both. Have it all.

There are people that disagree with how I live my life. I think that they have too much free time on their hands and too much idle mind space to worry about me and mine. I do favors thanklessly, I don't even look for credit. But when I am the subject of negative judgment, then it's not cool. When it comes down to it, the burning question is "Are you helping me build my future and helping me succeed? Is spending time with you going to help me succeed?"

Who helps me? My parents. My sister. My girlfriend. My few but close friends.

It's whatever, man. I'm driven. Most the time I put up this chill, funny outlook. But on the inside I'm an assassin coming for the top spot, bringing only those important to me along with me. Yeah, there's other ways to live life. But I won't complain when I get to where I'm going, and enjoy my fruits of labor.

On a softer, kinder note:

My girlfriend is the best, hands down. I spend enormous amounts of time with her, but as good times roll the hours pass by quickly. I mean like, I've always been a fan of dedication, consistency, love, and passion for things, but she's like the one thing in this world that makes me want to embody these things. I thoroughly enjoy saying to myself, "I like being dedicated to my girlfriend." I think loyal and dedicated are different. Being loyal to me means that you will not cheat on a person; dedicating yourself to someone means that and more. Dedication means to stick with them through tough and fun times, to not flee or stray when there is an issue at hand. Dedication means to keep yourself focused on that relationship, so it goes much deeper than ensuring that you won't be dishonest. It says you are willing to work on "us" in better or in worse. With that said, I'm dedicated to the things I love.

We know so much about each other, but there is tons and tons more left to know. It'd be cool to get to hear all of her. See all her perspective. See all her world. She amazes me everyday with things she does.

I think I'm a really simple person who still believes in very basic but important morals and values, but at the same time I think it works.

Update

I don't know, but life seems very gratifying the way they are now. School started and I generally like my classes. Engineering 10 is opening my eyes to how my life could be in a couple years. I'm dealing with all of these razor blade sharp cookies in there, and I always seem to stick out like a sore thumb. I have to find a way to make whatever my attributes are to work to my advantage, which is communication skills, writing skills. The professor did say that those are truly pertinent in becoming a successful engineer, because with those skills they can eventually oversee others. But I mean, how could I even think about overseeing others do projects and such when I can hardly manage myself? I will get there. Slowly but surely, a day at a time.

Life is good when taken a day at a time. You put forth your everything into everything basically, and doing that everyday will add up and you won't notice. I try to apply that towards academics and relations. It is an ongoing interconnected process, these things. You cannot be devastated by a single event or a bad day, or minor disagreements. The most courageous thing a person can do possibly is to show perseverance in the face of failure. It's easy to become frustrated with something or someone and put it off, but it's difficult to maintain composure and stay positive in the midst of many shortcomings.

I realize hella shit about myself through reflection, and I guess blogging helps me in some crazy mental therapeutic way. I like putting my thoughts down somewhere safe or telling it to people I love. It keeps me sane; keeps my loved ones close. I told my girlfriend that I tell her some stuff I've never shared with people. Maybe she didn't really believe it, but I know I meant it. And I enjoy giving her my deepest and darkest and most honest and hope she has great appreciation for it. I enjoy showing her sides of me that I don't show just anybody, sides of me that I generally feel uncomfortable showing. Is that a crime to hold back parts of yourself from the world? Maybe. I say no. Would it be better if I showed more sides of myself more openly? Yeah I guess, but I love that I can keep it exclusive to people I really care for. That's what makes it special because its uncommon. I don't think I'd be the same person or be as grateful if I let everything out. If you didn't notice, I like being a private person heading my own agenda and catering to those dear to me.

Life's on high with my girlfriend. Everyday is better. I can't help but smile. She deserves the girlfriend of the universe award. I know, corny. But she makes corn sweet. That kinda made sense haha

Thoughts.

I love my girlfriend to pieces. She gives me the greatest happiness. There's times where I don't really want to leave her side or be apart, but then I understand that everything is about balance, there is a such thing as healthy space. She's the bomb, the leading lady in my life. She lights up my world, she rocks my socks. She makes me smile, makes me happy, makes me want to be a better man really. The sky is the limit. Like, I really love her for her. I can't really explain it in words, but I love her everything. Every single thing about her I love. The way she acts, the way she looks, everything and every part about her. Even like, if she had any negative conceptions about her or her image, things she doesn't like about herself physically or something, I love it. I love her laugh, I love her voice, her singing, her guitar playing, her hair, her scent, her hands, feet, toes, legs, soft skin, face, lips, eyes, glasses, opinion, humor, stealo, personality... everything. And I really think she's the most beautiful young woman I've met at berkeley. And she's my girlfriend!!! Fuck I'm lucky.

Classes start tomorrow and I'm not in the state of mind yet. I'm in vacation mode still. I been thinking about spring break already. Does this show a lack of concentration? Haha naw, but I'll concentrate when something's given for me to.

One thing I look at every day when I'm at berkeley is a picture of my family on my desk. I know how much they love and support me, how big of a help they are to me. I can't let them down. Honestly they provide my motivation, my family. I was sitting down earlier thinking about my grandparents too, and how much they loved me and help me get this far. I think about this kind of shit, like who got me here. I'll make you guys proud.

I'm still itching to play some basketball. I bought a new one yesterday, and I'm gonna sleep with it. I'm either gonna be sleeping with that or my girlfriend. I really love basketball, and I'm gonna play my ass off, like I might go shoot hoops in the morning. I dunno. I'm just happy I have a ball now and I can go. Basketball is what got me into shoes, into Nike, Jordans, all that shit. I wouldn't be the same person if I didn't find basketball.

Kay, goodnight

Individuality.

Everybody talks about this idea about individuality, about being different. About sticking out. People always chase it, they strive to attain this uniqueness. In my opinion, I feel it's nothing to be attained or to be striven for. Being different comes from the inside. Being an individual is being real, being honest with yourself and to the world. It's that simple act of choosing on your terms, and not on anybody else's. It's doing you, whatever you is. And there is no article of clothing or external accessory in the world you can put on that makes you any singular or different from anyone. Being an individual is more so felt in a vibe about a person-- not in any visual sense. Sure, clothes and accessories are a vessel of your personality, but they are nothing but a vessel. A crown doesn't make a king.

However, this does not mean that conformity is a bad thing. If something that you do and enjoy and feel is part of what makes you "you" and it just so happens to be "mainstream", that does not make you any less of an individual. But to claim that you like something based on the sole fact that it is popular and that the majority of society deems something as "cool", then that is very bad. That is not individuality. That is just plain bad haha.

With all this said, I like what I am. I enjoy not sticking out. I enjoy being simple on the outside and a sharp cookie on the inside. I enjoy having a small circle of down ass friends and a lovely girlfriend. I enjoy keeping to myself haha. I enjoy expressing myself through forms other than declaring shit, like through my uke or playing basketball or through my actions, just living in general.


I love keeping opinions and thoughts that mean most to me for my dearest people in my life. And blogspot. Haha

Which is why I am not interested in Twitter or Tumblr or all that humbug. I leave that for people who put themselves out there more. The reblogging aspect of Tumblr turns me off the most.

I think that's why I don't respect Kanye anymore. He's too arrogant for his own well being. Yes, he is an undeniable genius musically and artistically-- but everytime he puts out something he backs himself up with his own opinion. I read his interview on Complex magazine online, and he answered a question pretty thoroughly, then immediately added at the end of his response, "Ain't that the most perfect response?!"

There was a point in time where I thought Kanye could potentially be the greatest ever (in my opinion of course) by the time he stopped putting out music. I was enamored by his gift to create both melody and rhyme at the highest level. Nobody else was doing it like that at the time. But he fell off. He kept his head in his ass.

Shit. I respect those who aren't necessarily there to take the credit, those who are recognized as being dope and do not have to toot their own horn for others to notice. You don't see Pharrell wildin' out at awards shows, but everyone knows how raw Pharrell is. I look up to Kid Cudi alot now, and I hope he doesn't get Kanyicitis. Them two niggas right now is legit to me. NERD in general. Cudi cuz he's real and his steez is raw. Plus I like listening to him when I'm high haha

But Weezy tops the list and keeps it on lock cuz he's so much better than everyone else. Period.

2010 Resolutions.

For me, last year was the bomb. I lived life fast. There were a lot of times I just let go of shit and went with everything. Shit was fun, man, shit was fun...

But me always looking on ways to improve on things, I relflect back and come up with resolutions for the new year in order to try and one up the previous one. And that means, to me, simplifying my lifestyle while still continuing to have as much fun as possible.

2010 will consist a lot of spending time with jorelle, playing basketball, studying, and chilling. Simple yet captivating.

Fuck unnecessary stuff like "volunteering my time". I have volunteered my time enough in the past four or five years to many clubs and organizations and institutions. This year, I'm going to give it the big F-U-C-K-T-H-A-T. As I get older, my time is getting precious and I need to utilize it for shit that is important to me. I need to stop giving my time up to "good causes" that I feel is worth dedicating myself to. Yes, life's been fun and I've had so many great experiences, and I wouldn't be the person I am today without them, but the path of life turns. However I don't like limitations or boundaries in life, and therefore will never rule this part of life out, but as of now I'm somewhere else.

I think if I dedicate myself to doing those four things, I will be a happier man. I mean, I love my girlfriend, I love basketball, I love studying, and I love chilling. If I'm spending all my time doing things I love, then life's great!

So that's that for the main resolutions. Here are a few subordinate resolutions that are picking at my brain:

BREAK NECKS. In a fashion sense, bring back the Jordans! Everybody today is on that chill, casual, relaxed look. That means Vans, Nike SB's, and Keds all day. No disrespect to any of those cuz I wear them, but I'm taking a stand for myself to conform a little less and break necks a little more. That means, wear the type of shit that makes people look DOWN! For me, less SB's and Vans, and more Jordans.

Catch up on a lot of good movies I missed out on, old or new. Expand my list of what I've seen in general.

Eat more vegetables and consume more milk

Buy more hats. Haha.

Spend more time with my God daughters

Explore

Expand my basketball game even more!




Theres always new shit I want to try out or new things to see. You can't always list everything. But I know the most memorable things that are going to happen can't ever be listed beforehand, that's what makes life great.

Dear Blogspot.

I know, I've been gone. Forgive me, but I was just living my life. But at least I'm back one final time before the new year.

Ever since my last post, a whole bunch of shit happened to me. The whole ordeal with Lily was deteriorating. It was mid October and the feeling of wanting to completely have no strings attached to anyone was overbearing. She would call me everyday, almost at a nuisance rate, calling to come visit or for me to hop on BART to get there to daly city. I wasn't having it, obviously. The academic rigor was picking up, and I wanted to dedicate myself more to studying. With all the time I spent doing intern PAA stuff, I felt spread a little to thin. I told her I wanted out completely. It wasn't so hard, being that we both had this unspoken understanding that us as friends with benefits was eventually going to stop, and that it wasn't going to end pretty. Yeah, she had that week afterwards where she was kinda devastated, but after that she honestly seemed fine. To be frank, I feel she's real happy now. She's been talking to like four, five guys ever since, probably simultaneously, and I think she's having serious feelings with some guy named Danny. Go figure, haha. I'm happy for her forreals. I've never really asked for any closure or anything, and she always goes on about how even though we don't talk anymore, she still wants me a part of her life and she wants to be good friends with me, because you don't just throw three years of a relationship and five years of a friendship away. I've always made an effort to be on good terms with all of my ex's, so I'm down. But it's not like I'm gonna be at her door asking to hang out. If it happens it happens.

Then Halloween Eve happened.

Ever since then, my world's been turned upside down, haha. This quirky girl with round thick rimmed glasses, Tom's shoes, hella good Daisy fragrance, whom I was unusually attracted to, was to blame. I remember seeing her alot that week. Steve Aoki performance with her at lower sproul was the shit. Studying at Moffitt was...studying haha but it was better with her around. Then by chance she asked me to come along with her floor to some frats friday night. Thank God I said yes haha. And like, ever since that night we basically saw each other every, single, day.

I always talk about like how it was hella by chance. Like, what if she never sat next to me that day she got in the class? What if I transferred out of that class I didn't need? What were the odds that I would meet my next girlfriend in Marine Mammals lecture? What were the odds that she would hail from downtown Los Angeles, six hours and three hundred miles away? Going to sleep all of those nights over summer wondering where in the hell would I find that next person, I would've never guessed haha, but I'm sure as hell glad it did happen.

Looking back at 2009, I had my many downs, but I had my ups as well. The first half of the year was bleak, at times manageable, but plenty of times downright shitty. I remember feeling like life was passing by slowly, and I didn't have much to live for at the time. I knew college was coming up, but it seemed so far away. Life at times was shit, like I was living in shit. All I really had was myself and my drive to do well on the AP tests, and to finish strong with the grades. All the other seniors were slacking off, I never experienced Senioritis. I missed the Senior trips. Gradnite was fun but coulda been greater. And then I graduated.

That event marked many new beginnings for me, and I ran with it. I lived a summer out enjoying the bay area sunshine and scenery, shopping, playing with my dogs, and making lasting memories with best friends. I got through a fall semester at the BEST college in the world, UC Berkeley, filled with knowledge, new friends, first time experiences, good vibes, and even a girlfriend!

The best part of the year, the best part about life, is the memories and experiences made.

But 2010 is upon us, and as I always say, each year gets better.

Breakfast.

It's funny how little five minute breakfasts at home with your dad help a lot.

I've been thinking about it for a while, that possibly I could make it in Berkeley's Engineering program. I thought about it from the first day of school to now, but I haven't really told my parents, and especially not to my dad until now.

I didn't apply for engineering in my application because I knew it was going to be hard to get into the school with it, because its so competitive. Had I applied under engineering going into berkeley, I probably wouldn't have gotten in and would be probably going to davis having a totally different experience than I do now. God, that would suck...

So I come to berkeley living in Foothill-- the engineering dorm. And I sit and listen to all of these hopeful engineers, trying to soak up anything and everything about the engineering program. I am still in awe that these are the same people who make up one of the world's greatest engineering programs, they are normal people, like me. They make me feel like I can do it.

But sitting at the table eating my breakfast and telling my dad that I wanted to do Civil E, and hearing him choke up because I knew for the longest time he's wanted me to do that-- it was the greatest feeling. It's even greater knowing that I feel the choice to do it isn't all for him, its mostly my choice, and I am so surprised of myself for feeling that way. I remember telling myself that I would never choose to be an engineer-- ever. Look at me now aha

It feels good making my dad proud after all the shit I put him and my parents through. It's a beautiful struggle. Life itself is a beautiful struggle. Making my parents proud is so fucking new to me, its like I don't know how to exactly feel. It just makes me want to accomplish my goal even more. It makes me just want to fuck all the extra bullshit in life, like worrying about girls or being cool or nice clothes or shoes. It's like, yeah that stuff's good, but I'm on this.

I'm looking forward to when I graduate and I have that Civil E degree from the University of California, Berkeley, and seeing the proud faces of my parents, family, relatives, friends, everybody. I want it. I'm driven. So God help me.

When you're down, I'm down. It's funny how it always works that way.

Real

Time flies and we all go about our busy lives. But I stop at times and think about my friends.

I still see how much I've impacted your life. I like checking for that, it makes me feel like I've made a difference somewhere, and that's all you can really ask for in life-- to make a difference. Nobody wants to live and die without disturbing the water, so to speak. But yeah, I see it. In your youtubes, your racist jokes, your thoughts, even just giving things a chance that you wouldn't have given before. We're friends, and I know my calm reserve is sometimes mistaken for being unenthusiastic, but I love that we're cool. Visit me please? Cuz I did. Haha, just sayin!

And I know life ain't so hot for you right now, but you're gonna be okay. From personal experience, its easy to like you. Know that. I hate when you kinda forget and trip out like something's wrong with you, when it's not true.

Hit me up, dont be a stranger, you know who you are, you know I'm down.

PASAE AND PAA

Pilipino Alliance of Scientists, Architects, and Engineers.

Pilipino Academic Alliance.

That's where I am in my life. Like many other things I have devoted myself to (i.e. VHS Leadership and Class of '09, Kaiser Richmond, Filipino Club, Scarlet Masque, JV Football) I will give my everything towards these organizations' purposes. The best thing about it is that everything is run by the students, for the students-- meaning that its all freewill about what your input is. You can put in as little time or as much time as you want, and I love that shit.

Thinking about how things are structured, the less structure there is, the more I like it. I hate authority and levels of hierarchy, and I gotta respect someone first before learning or listening to them.

The more time I spend with PASAE members, the more I feel like I belong. It's a small group, twenty-seven members, logically since it is a minority-based club in the technical field, which marginalizes it even more. Their vibe is hella chill, but still on top of shit. That's hella me. Like I can relate to the guys in PASAE-- Smart-ass Engineer types but still chill and not nerdy and square status. Plus Raymond's doing it! When Mary gets to Berkeley, we finna get her in haha

I like PAA, I think PAA is dope and what they do is dope, it's just that PASAE is more my scene. PAA is where I definitely see myself applying what I learned in Leadership and stuff, with all the planning and setting up events, fundraising and shit. Plus they do PCN (Pilipino Cultural Night), which a whole lot of other universities do like SFSU, UC Davis, and way more. PAA has hella energetic fruity guys, less technical majors, more humanities majors, so you can see why PASAE is more my scene, but I can see myself with PAA meeting hella people and getting involved and shit.

I thank God everyday for the opportunity he's given me by letting me be able to attend such a good university such as UC Berkeley. I fuckin' love this school. People here are wired the same, like people gets active, people are young bright individuals, and there's always something going on at anytime. And I just thank God for this chance to be here, to grow, to experience, and to just live life, man. It's great.

I'll leave you guys with some words of wisdom in some assigned reading I had, "On Providence" by Seneca.

"Why it is that many evils befall good men if the world is governed by providence?... Providence rules all things and that god is concerned for our welfare... It is superfluous to point out that so mighty a structure does not persist without some caretaker... these phenomena do not happen without a plan... God's course is the same. He does not treat the good man like a toy, but tries him, hardens him, and readies him for himself... God's attitude to good men is a father's; his love for them is a manly one. 'Let them be harassed by toil and sorrow and loss,' says he, 'that so they may acquire true strength.'... By suffering misfortune the mind grows able to belittle suffering."

I like to live to inspire others, to motivate others. I like to live as an example.

I just wanna be successful.

Fuck it. That's what my heart desires.

I'm the hero of this story, don't need to be saved.

It's all right. No one's got it all.

If you haven't listened to Regina Spektor's "Hero", or any songs on the 500 days of summer soundtrack, you need to. Or watching 500 days of summer in general. I'm still on that movie, its so good haha. I can't wait to buy the DVD

I realized yesterday, that I don't laugh here at college like how I do with the Joes. I think the Joes miss each other, well, I know we do. The last time I really, really, couldn't breathe laugh, was the ride from BJ's.

Is there a such thing in life where you are content with how things are, but you're not happy? I think I fall into the content part most of the time. There are times where I'm like "shit, this shit is dope, I'm happy as a motherfucka." Then there's a lotta times where I'm like "Ehh."

Then there's times in life where I wish I had some sort of companionship, like a girlfriend or something. I think I've explained this before. It's like 10% of the time. The other 90% of the time I'm glad being single. But I don't think this is an accurate meter as to whether or not someone is ready for a relationship. Because, more or less, I'm kinda at this part in my love life where I'm like, "Try me."

There's been many times where I seen it in myself and in other cases where one person goes too far into trying to make things work, or "bending over backwards" per se, just for the sake of maybe finally going out with the person they're talking to. I used to think eventually it would work, but I don't think it doesn't, based on thoughts and personal experiences.

I usually just base it off the "initial vibe", and the "first five minutes". If both checks out, then yeah, there's a chance. Usually what happens though is a girl would have a cool vibe, but I talk to her, and I don't feel it. Actually, that's what always happens haha. And I'm content with continuing this process until a winner reveals themselves. But not happy with my love life, of course; you can't be happy with your love life if you're single-- that's an oxymoron.

Reality vs. Expectations

I'm taking a break from homework, and I decided to get on the internet like how I usually do. And I thought about this past week, and about my past 2 or three weeks in general.

And as the days pass and I get older, I realize what the quote "everything is everything" means. Like, I understand that the loss of innocence will come to everyone, cuz childhood's over and things don't stay golden forever. Some people choose to hang on to their so called "innocence" longer than others, and that's totally fine. But that doesn't make the people who choose to give it up earlier any less righteous. And I mean innocence as in trying drugs or alcohol, smoking weed or anything, losing your virginity, what have you.

I think it's only when they make the wrong decisions as in doing things in excess or when it becomes a problem is when it's time to worry.

The quicker people realize how to separate reality from expectations, then the better. Like, it's not fair to really judge people because of what they choose. Who are we to tell them? Friends are friends, and as friends we always should strive to keep our friends on the right track, but if they want to do something, go ahead and get on it haha. Friends are not parents.

In a way, experiencing the ills of life is necessary. We all have to experience the highs and lows just for the simple fact of saying "Been there, done that." You want to do it to get it out of your system before you settle down. Many marriages are broken because of the simple fact that they are unhappy with being settled, when in reality that's what you are supposed to be. You party now and get it out of your system in order to be able to devote yourself solely to your family and wife/husband.

But what about me? I understand that I don't smoke and drink, when most of my friends already have, and it's simply just my preference. On top of that, I don't feel any better about myself that I don't, nor do I judge people who do smoke and drink. I am not ignorant of the times, I am not perfect, and I know when getting wasted and drunk will be appropriate. Just not anytime soon. And it's not for anyone to tell me when, its mine, and when I do, it's not for anyone to judge as well.

Just a little brain exercise. I gotta finish homework haha

Statistics.

2.7% of the Berkeley student population is filipino.

10% of that 2.7% drops out.

There are about 35,000 Berkeley students.

That means about 800 filipinos.

May I add that many of the male filipinos are hella feminine.

Only 0.00125% of that 800 is a beast with steez.

That's a rare breed of an already scarce population at the University of California.

And on and on

I save all the cool things about me for a different time when I meet people. It's kind of like a risk, you know, when you don't put out your best qualities first, a risk that maybe that person won't want to be friends with you based on the vibe you put out. But in a way it's kind of indicating who would be your forreal friends and who's diggin' you just cause you can do this and that and the other.

Basically I don't really give much output when meeting people; I don't like really letting people know what I can do for fear of being used as pure entertainment or seen as a commodity. I like people who are cool with me because of who I am as a person. All of the other stuff like playing ukulele, sports, music, jerkin, clothing and shoes I like, that is secondary. I guess people find that stuff about me after being friends with me. Haha, it's always been like that.

College.

I cannot put into words what these three days have been like. When I said life changed drastically, it was an understatement. I've probably met hundreds of new people, some of whom I have a hard time remembering names. It's predominantly asian, then a distant white population as second, then probably indian/middle eastern. Nobody's filipino. It's weird how the half-a-handful filipinos that are here are so divided, except my roommate is half. There is no cluster of filipinos; to find two full ones is impossible. Rare to even see one.

Berkeley makes me realize how short I am. There's always something to do, something to see, someone to meet. It's so fast. Some people are definitely the people that hardly study and get good grades, some people work hard for their grades, and I feel inferior. By a lot.

Some people got 5's on all of their AP exams...and they got accepted into Ivy Leagues and everything, but just chose berkeley. That shit scares me.

The conversations I've had with people are so different from when I would talk to my friends. There is no slang used whatsoever. You hear a big word every other sentence, like "inundated" and "cognitive" and all those other adjectives that could be easily replaced with a simpler word. It's ridiculous.

It's hard to blog about my experiences because a whole bunch happens and its too much to describe. Let me try to put a whole bunch of shit down. Random stuff.

I bowled with Koreans tonight. My suite mates are introverted nerds that dont go out. Foothill is generally quiet, too quiet, and the south side is definitely better. My RA is cool. My roommate brought a 32 inch tv into our dorm, and im happy he did. Playing gears of war 2 until 1 am is dope. Food is kinda expensive. My legs are so tired from walking every day. Bums are scary. Berkeley is definitely not a place for relationships whatsoever. Everyone I've met is totally not looking for anything at all, and I feel in a way like my future girlfriend won't even come from Berkeley. Imagine that, being single for four more years. I guess people think I'm a pretty cool guy to talk to, I've met probably close to two hundred people in three days. I can definitely say one of my cooler new friends is my friend Kimberly Woo, whom I've spent today's afternoon and bowling night with.

I love college.

3 ways.

It was dope catching up with you guys again and talking about middle school and high school. It's always fun to hear about things people remember when you totally forgot about it. Ronnel and his big ass headphones HAHAHAHA

Toot!

I take a lot of pride in not tooting my own horn; hardly ever talking myself up or boasting. I always believed the coolest people personified the word instead of declaring or analyzing it. The thought of "actions speak louder than words", and to "speak softly and carry a big stick" resounds to me.

There's a lot of people who throw the word "cool" around like litter, and they come off as cocky. I'm not really mindful of them. If anything, I'd listen to them talk all day about how dope they are. I'd even reply to their statements and start conversation about their level of coolness, haha. That would be a very pointless encounter, though.

To be honest, the coolest people just do things instead of beating around the bush. They know hella stuff; just being outright streetsmart about a lot of different topics. They put out this sense of self confidence without putting out the sense that they're full of themselves, nor going out and putting everyone down for not knowing things.

Just the other day I got a comment about my Cal youtube in an earlier blog; they knew where that cheer was from-- The Rocky Horror Show. I thought that was cool for that person to know that. Kudos to you!

I really try to live off the thought of proving your worth instead of declaring your worth. If you're raw, people take notice. In all actuality, thats where the word "raw" derived from-- having sheer natural and exceptional talent in something; raw talent. Your parents always tell you to choose your friends wisely. Well, I always was gravitated towards those raw types. That's a compliment, friends!

I dont say that I know it all and that I look down on the uncool. Do you. That's cool enough in and of itself. Cool is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Pain and sorrow is in the eye of the beholder. Do you get where I'm going with this?

Basically, everything is dependent upon a certain perspective. That's what I learned in AP Physics, and that's probably the most important thing I learned in AP Physics. So fuck off, you smart ass Berkeley nerds. I'm coming for your ass. I'm rippin' heads off while turning heads.

To end, it doesn't hurt to toot your own horn here and there. The Good life has balance.

Unusual.

The last few days have all been about realizing, identifying, and understanding.

In a short ten days (nine if you count today being basically done) my life's gonna change drastically. I have to be ready for it, physically and mentally prepared.

I have to break the mold, break the culture that I am accustomed to, and I have to be ready to adapt. It's not survival of the fittest, but of the most adapted.

I have to understand that my life has to turn its focus on succeeding in my education. That's the most I can offer, and it's what I do best. I'm gonna have a little faith and hope that I can take on the challenge Berkeley has for me, I know it's not gonna be easy by any means.

I have to realize I'm gonna be a city kid now, where buses and Bart is your sole means of transportation. Thank God I have a bike. I'm going to use what knowledge of streets I have already and go off that, knowing that I will learn my direction with time. No more is the '86 Mercedes rolling up to the high school, with me runnin' shit. I'm a nobody, and I gotta prove myself that I belong.

I have to identify that girls in life are many things. Girls cannot be seen as all the same, nor can be generally addressed by any stereotype. Some are friends, some aren't, some are keepers, some you stay away from. Girls will be at college, I know that but I'm here for me and mine. That's the objective. I'm just trying to be a nice, bright young man.

I'm waiting.