Growth.

I'm not really the type to bring up the past, but it was on my mind a couple minutes ago at the dinner table, and I felt like writing about it.

March 7th, 2006 was when my grandfather passed away. Three years from then, a lot of things have changed. My sister graduated from high school, my goddaughter was born, my grandmother passed away, and I'm just about finished with high school. But I feel that was a turning point in my life. Since then, my dad's been going to the Philippines about every March - May, including this year (but only until April 21st this time). That means for every year of my high school career, I've had an extended absence basically every end of each school year, save 10th grade. This absence of my dad for a couple of months at a time every year has been imperative to my growth into my own self, as a young man. I've learned a lot of things about myself each time my dad takes a vacation, made a lot of mistakes, but also had a lot of fun.

The best thing about these absences is that I just have time to myself to just be. I never have to worry about someone looking in on me when I'm in my room, or someone keeping an eye on me when I'm in the middle of something. In essence, it taught me how to grow up-- and real fast. My family would probably say that I'm really set off by myself on a lot of things compared to the rest of the family, and I don't mind that at all. Honestly I don't mind being alone places sometimes, going places alone, driving alone. I see it as a testament to my strength as an individual, and strength of will. But its not like I will myself to be alone per se, I just don't mind it. Don't worry, I love you! But I digress...

After a while, I do end up missing my family like crazy. I remember the day my sister really left for college, she left a post-it on my dresser and I only noticed it probably a couple weeks later, and I teared up haha. And I always felt empty when my father wasn't around. I remember feeling empty when my grandfather died too. Thinking about it, I don't think it's a matter of feeling empty, It's just a feeling of being alone, and it engulfs you for a long time until you adjust to it. When family is together, like when my dad isn't on vacation or when my sister comes home from college on the weekends, I feel happy. But I feel after a week that I'm okay for them to leave again, or at least have the space again. I don't mean to take them for granted at all, that's not what I'm trying to say, I love family and love keeping them close to my heart. I mean that we are all growing as our own persons, it is important to feel this way to be ready to go off to college, to eventually start a family, and so on.

I really feel that the events that happened in my life and especially the way that I handled, responded to, and grew from them is what makes me who I am today. I feel like my attention to detail, putting hours upon hours of thought into current events in my life is an integral part of what makes me, and for it to all add up and me to then further reflect on my life, makes the things I go through even grander. Sometimes its not even about what happens, its about how you take it.