This feeling is all too familiar.

"It hurts soo good." ~ Andy Milonakis

Right now I feel tired, very tired. From what, you ask? Oh you know, doing my job, as always. Being ASB President is very fun, very tiring. Throughout high school there's been plenty things I've been at school for 12, 13, 14 hours for, from 6:50 am at the start of leadership, to 11 pm cleaning up after events. Tonights event? Filipino club's Benefit concert, whooo!

I was emcee, along with angela. I got to see Gabe Bondoc perform! And talk to him one on one, haha it was wierd telling someone you listen to alot on your ipod, "Hey, you're performing next." I've met him before in 2005 at a Pista sa nayon, and I even got to get an autograph and a picture with him. Honestly I wasn't a big fan before like how I am now, I was pretty much like whatever then.

Tonight I was starstruck, oh god. It probably was the 2nd time I ever felt that way in my life, I was jumping up and down, like shaking in place when introducing him, it was great. I'm going to search the youtubes in the upcoming days for any videos of tonight, being on stage right next to him was pretty damn awesome. I was pretty "fangirl" material, if a guy could get any more fangirl than that. And he autographed my ID card, whoooooot!

Okay, enough about things I did. Sometimes I feel like blogs that only talk about what someone did are pretty damn boring. I enjoy the blogs about what someone thinks.

Vallejo High seems to be on a negative slope in terms of the state of the school and the direction in which the school is going, but if VHS has any bright hopefuls left, it would have to be Derryl Regresado. Yeah, I pick on him alot, alot of people in leadership pick on him because he's a freshman, but I care for the kid. He seems to like the fact that people call him "Mini-Earnest". He aint sexy like me though, but I digress. There's times where I hope he will surpass me one day in the things I accomplished in high school, he's doing a wonderful job right now as Freshman class President, plus he's smart too, so he has a chance at being my second coming.

I always strive to make a lasting impact on everything and everyone that I meet and get involved into. I am ALWAYS looking for ways to leave VHS better than I found it. I see Derryl as one of those examples where that is possible. Derryl is dear to me because I see him as the second coming. I see him as an extension of me, so that when I am off to college, I still resonate within leadership and with the school in general. I know alot of the things Maricar taught me-- being tactful, handling people, staying positive and keeping others enthused, and how to generally go about getting things done, is a big part of how I handle myself as ASB. As a senior, I know I'm on the way out, so I am passing these values on to people like Arron, and Derryl. People I see who have it in them to be ASB President. I sure hope he makes it.


March is fun, real fun. Thank you God.

The Four People You Meet in Life.

the four people you meet in life:

First person is yourself.
Second person is the one you love most.
Third person is the one who loves you most.
Lastly, the one you spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person. The one you love most doesn’t love you; The one who loves you most is never the one you love most; And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you lovemost or the one who loves you most.



I find this Very thoughtful, and in many ways, very true. We can always hope that person could be the same person.

Release.

In previous posts I've brought up the fact of how my experiences directly influence how I carry myself. Let's talk about what exactly that means.

I've always been thought of as a bit "preachy", but I feel like the things I have to say about things hold some value. A few minutes ago my friend was telling me about how stressed they are at the moment. They told me about feelings of being overwhelmed, and almost fainting. I been there, and it hit a climax last year, just as an honor student trying to branch himself out into EVERYTHING: student activities, responsibilities as class president, planning prom, preparing for ap tests, keeping grades up, having a social and family life, and even being part of the school musical.

In essence I've been through more than everyone will probably ever know, and more than anyone will imagine. I look back at it all and think that it truly is WAY too much for a seventeen year old young man to go through, and there are times where I sit down and think about why did God put it on me. I used to believe that you can make your own fortune by your own actions, and in many ways that is true, but in situations where it is out of your hand, I understand that it happens for a reason.

Sometimes I think why things happen to me is because God knows I have some higher purpose in life. I always felt like a born leader, I always felt like I had an extra something inside me that separated me from everyone else. I'm not the smartest, most athletic, most handsome, richest, or nicest guy in the world, but I got something. I think I have some charm to me that is obvious to everyone I know in life.

Millions of times I used to wonder why I cannot "fly under the radar" like how some people can. How come I can never be those people that you know in high school that slip your mind, that get overlooked. Sometimes I feel that I know too many people and are known by too many people; that everyone wants a piece of me. This leads me to feel very stretched out a lot of the time, more so last year but improving now and this year. Sometimes I just want to be important to a certain few, to the people that I really want close to me. I would rather feel wanted by a few than be adored by many.

Keeping perspective, I think this feeling will quickly go away in college. Just because I've been "that guy" in high school doesnt mean shit in the big pond hahah. Which excites me to some extent!

You're Fly.

"If you, as the leader, want to make a difference, you must first find out what is wrong with you so you can be able to empower others."

1. WHAT did YOU LEARN while I was away? Academically, Behaviorally, etc.

In retrospect, the time that Mr. Tillay was away was a tremendous period of self-reflection--I had plenty of time to take a step back, complete the assignments, and evaluate where I was as a person, student, and young man. Unfortunately I feel it was too much time, and quickly after a few days I began to feel as if I was going through the motions with the work and assignments. I realized my fervor, my fire for learning was not being tended to. That's all taken care of with Tillay returning again, but I realized one major thing when he was away: Mr. Tillay will not be there to kindle my fire for learning forever, and I must somehow find the drive within me to push myself to the same level of determination and motivation that I get from Mr. T.

Just last night Mary and I talked about how Raymond essentially drives himself-- he identifies how far he has to go to get the job done, goes about his way in getting there, and stops. We talked about how when he took AP Fiziks, he hardly did any of the work-- he understood what he himself needed to pass the exam, did it, and was on his way. I am not saying that I am better off with this method-- to each his own--but I do bring this up because of his inner drive. He kindled his own fire, and I must learn to somehow kindle my own. Without it, I feel I will flounder in college, and I will be looking around in confusion knowing that when motivated, I am king. But when going through the motions, I am mediocre, I am not special.

Behaviorally I was pretty much even keel the whole time. I am proud to say that Johann actually got some pep in her step and solved a few problems on her own, so I am happy to report that there is hope left in our youth after all. I am proud of the fact that I am making leaps and bounds towards surrounding myself with positive and enthusiastic people. I must continue this. I can actually say I am happy with what is going on with my life, because I've dealt with putting my happiness in steady, solid things, and not shaky, uncertain ones.

2. HOW would I know that you learned it? WHERE would I find the PROOF?

This question pretty much tells me "Okay Earnest, you said what you have learned, how will that resonate to me, your teacher?" I feel I have always shown that I am a thoughtful student, and eventually things that are pressing to me I always ask guidance for, and the things I feel I must add on based on your advice I try my best to apply in my life and study habits.

One thing I truly appreciate and cherish is the little bits of counseling I get from you not only as a fiziks teacher, but as a mentor and guide. I enjoy sharing input and recieving all the emails that I've gotten throughout the schoolyear, and I feel great in having such a connection with a teacher like that. I'm really just like a sponge trying to suck up everything I can in my own time. People ask me sometimes "You email Mr. Tillay often?" and I kinda grin back and say "Yeah, pretty much. Haha." It basically speaks for itself.

3. HOW WELL did you BEHAVE while Mr. Okun was your TEACHER? EXPLAIN.

I behaved myself very well while Mr. Okun was at the helm. I don't really have much to expound about this, I feel I am exponentially above acting like a class clown or jackass when the teacher is trying to do his/her job. That is so 8th grade...anyway, I was particularly polite when he would ask for help about what to do next or what exactly should the class be doing at the moment, and I answered as best I could. Additionally, I did make him laugh a few times over the time he was here. I take pride in my humor, and I hardly ever expose it during fiziks class because I'm so focused.

4. LIST the names of the homework, class work, exam parts, and URL/Computer Notes that you completed while I was away. Use the backside of this paper.

Hickman 149-156
Textbook Q's Ch. 11 3,5,14,17,18
Online Practice Q's Ch. 11 (Early Completion)
Video Notes 21
Attempted PS #24, 25, 26
Practice Problems Ch. 11
URL Notes
Video Notes 22
CD work pg 95-96
Hewitt 159-168

5. Give yourself a GRADE for your OVERALL Achievement while I was gone. Explain.

In all honesty I would give myself an A- just for the simple fact that even though I completed everything that was thrown at me, that alone is not anywhere close to where I can be at, I did not feel up for much above and beyond work like how I usually tackle feverishly, such as blue sheet work. I know I dont do much fizguide work, but I feel better in my accomplishments in struggling through with Giancoli than breezing through the fizguide, mainly because I dont stem my confidence that I am learning through quantity of assignments completed, but more so in struggles confronted and dealt with. I actually feel empty when completing non-grade assignments, much like the virtual lab. I feel fly when I go through the grind, baby!

I would enjoy a review day of the material we covered in your absence, and I am looking forward to more time with the oddly wired teacher at the front again.

Growth.

I'm not really the type to bring up the past, but it was on my mind a couple minutes ago at the dinner table, and I felt like writing about it.

March 7th, 2006 was when my grandfather passed away. Three years from then, a lot of things have changed. My sister graduated from high school, my goddaughter was born, my grandmother passed away, and I'm just about finished with high school. But I feel that was a turning point in my life. Since then, my dad's been going to the Philippines about every March - May, including this year (but only until April 21st this time). That means for every year of my high school career, I've had an extended absence basically every end of each school year, save 10th grade. This absence of my dad for a couple of months at a time every year has been imperative to my growth into my own self, as a young man. I've learned a lot of things about myself each time my dad takes a vacation, made a lot of mistakes, but also had a lot of fun.

The best thing about these absences is that I just have time to myself to just be. I never have to worry about someone looking in on me when I'm in my room, or someone keeping an eye on me when I'm in the middle of something. In essence, it taught me how to grow up-- and real fast. My family would probably say that I'm really set off by myself on a lot of things compared to the rest of the family, and I don't mind that at all. Honestly I don't mind being alone places sometimes, going places alone, driving alone. I see it as a testament to my strength as an individual, and strength of will. But its not like I will myself to be alone per se, I just don't mind it. Don't worry, I love you! But I digress...

After a while, I do end up missing my family like crazy. I remember the day my sister really left for college, she left a post-it on my dresser and I only noticed it probably a couple weeks later, and I teared up haha. And I always felt empty when my father wasn't around. I remember feeling empty when my grandfather died too. Thinking about it, I don't think it's a matter of feeling empty, It's just a feeling of being alone, and it engulfs you for a long time until you adjust to it. When family is together, like when my dad isn't on vacation or when my sister comes home from college on the weekends, I feel happy. But I feel after a week that I'm okay for them to leave again, or at least have the space again. I don't mean to take them for granted at all, that's not what I'm trying to say, I love family and love keeping them close to my heart. I mean that we are all growing as our own persons, it is important to feel this way to be ready to go off to college, to eventually start a family, and so on.

I really feel that the events that happened in my life and especially the way that I handled, responded to, and grew from them is what makes me who I am today. I feel like my attention to detail, putting hours upon hours of thought into current events in my life is an integral part of what makes me, and for it to all add up and me to then further reflect on my life, makes the things I go through even grander. Sometimes its not even about what happens, its about how you take it.

Opinionated.

Opinions are first and foremost not facts and cannot be seen as "right" or "wrong" thinking. If you come into a conversation looking to shoot someone's opinion down, I feel that is harsh. Even if someone contradicts themselves, I feel it is okay because its their opinion; they have a right to change their mind. When someone says "oh you're a hipocrite because you say this and say another later" is just ignorant to change. Which makes it almost pointless to get into an argument with someone based off words and what was said.

If someone does action, then contradicts his/her actions after with another action, I feel that is reason to question. But not based off of words alone. I kind of live off the quote "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I never care of anyone's opinion of me, if I did, I would not get a lot of things I do accomplished, I would be so wrapped up in perception that I would be frozen and hesitant to do anything. Sometimes it's best to block perception and opinions.

But opinions are always a touchy subject. There are fine lines between opinions, advice, and criticism. Opinions can be either, but tend to be seen as either advice or criticism based off additional factual statements, and whether they are positive or negative comments.

When saying an opinion, you might want to feel caution when trying to also convince others that your thinking is right. People might feel offended from your vibe. Sometimes I say my opinion and put it in a manner where it can be taken as "This is what I said. Take it how you take it" kind of emphasis. But when I feel strongly about my opinion, I say it and give an example to support my statement.

But you must always remember to try and not catch hard feelings towards mere strangers who are openly opinionated, because they are just expressing themselves, and in the end, opinions arent concrete enough to be seen as right or wrong. The most they can be is a thought that many people agree or disagree with. Which in turn is where you get your stereotypes, labels, racial slurs, beliefs, assumptions, and so on.


But then again, this blog is an opinion in and of itself. It's just how I see things. Keeping things in perspective, remembering the grander scale, is best when dealing with Opinions...

Music.

Alot of people know me for a lot of things. Alot of people know me as a lot of things. Do they know me as music junkie though? Nobody would really guess, but in a lot of ways, not guessing what people listen to is common. I know my friend Raymond Sapida, even though he doesnt look like it, he listens to WU-TANG! Wow! But I digress...

I have about 4364 songs on my Ipod, which ranges from genres like hip hop, r&b, rock, alternative, classical, pop, hawaiian, Filipino, Oldies, Funk, rap, showtunes, hyphy, reggae, acoustic, techno, punk, and more. I can play mainstream to underground, new hits to timeless classics, Bob Marley to Zion I, to Haddaway to 50. Even Spice girls (which I think their first album is a bona fide classic!)

I really haven't gotten into updating my Ipod in the longest time, nor have I gotten into adding some of the new music that's out there. Sometimes I don't even like the new music, and I just stay with some old stuff. Recently I've been listening to a lot of uke music, like chris ramos wong or just uke instrumentals. I guess I have to convert them to mp3 haha and add them.

The fact that I am a music junkie rises a lot of realizations that you cant really judge anyone. You never know what you'll get from anyone.