I feel a lot of things. But lately, right when I open the blogger up and type down a few words, I just go "man all of it's going to get better, I don't want to write something here and then it gets fixed and then my entry just seems like wasted words."
Well, really... everyone's just trying to find a way out of my life. Everybody is just so anxious for graduation and their plans, everything. It just seems like right when they get their diploma, zoom they're outta here, and probably very happy to be out too. I get that vibe from people lately, very much so. Nobody wants to stay around it seems, when really someone's here just watching everything fall apart.
Who am I to stop anything? I don't even know if I'm important to them anymore, that's how bad it is. I try everyday to ask how their day was, if anything interesting happened, and everything gets swatted down.
What am I to stop people from what they want? If their future plans for after high school, whether it be moving or going to school, I hope to God that it brings them happiness. Because that's all I want the people I care for to feel-- happy.
But what can I do to contribute to people's happiness? Too many times I've heard that I was a waste of people's time, I was a regret, anything that involved me was a mistake, everything. I feel like total shit. And probably with my words and actions, I probably make everyone else feel like shit too.
How do I feel? I feel like I'm just trying to find happiness. What else could I do when Plan A doesn't work out? Sit around and be sorry for myself? I would die. Yeah, I try to be as happy as someone who's been through what I been through, can you blame me? But the most frustrating thing about it all is that they don't seem to be happy. I get affected when that happens, how could I not? I just don't get anything. I wish I knew what they needed. I know what I need.
The most frustrating thing is that I feel that if I don't try to talk to them, they're just gonna be okay with not talking to me.
Everyone loses.
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