For Old Time's Sake.

Hey Blogspot! It's been a long time haha. I've changed since then, yes. But who doesn't change in a year?

I was reading a few of these old posts on here, just to have a quick glimpse into who I was before, and how I've grown, built upon, or strayed from these thoughts and opinions. Very many of the things I shared I can still stand by today; while a handful of things are so different in terms of how I feel about it now. I am heavy on the Twitter now and very much favor it over facebook, (@eaarnest is the name, follow me!) but I still don't use Tumblr. I still am on Facebook, but nowadays its for more practical uses such as finding out when events are or what's happening in my friends' lives. Just for the sake of keeping that line of contact with people I usually wouldn't keep tabs on, I'd probably never delete my facebook. But for my feelings, perspectives, and more pure amusement I turn to twitter (or snooping around other people's tumblrs. Check out my ninja Andrew Beltran's tumblr cuz it's the shit!) Twitter is like, very liberating for me. I can post whatever I want to say, more or less. And having a following is pretty intriguing too because it's not just like a "friendship", it's like a person taking the initiative to know what you say and really caring how you feel. Twitter's workin for me in all the right ways now haha, and its weird since I used to be so anti-twitter. Well fuuuuck all that haha.

School's chill, I've changed my major like three times already. But I'm content with how school is going and what I am taking out of the experience. It's just that it's going so damn fast! Like slow the hell down haha, I'm already going to be a third year in the fall T_T YIKES. At this point I still don't regret coming to Berkeley at all. At all. I am happy with the person I am, the lessons I've learned being in the Berkeley environment about myself and others, and just all the great times I have. I'm thankful for it all.

And I love my girlfriend very very much. It's at a point where I know forreals I have and we have something good together. It's a beautiful thing. She's a beautiful thing haha. I'm just playin she's not a thing

I'm just going to jot down things on my mind now haha.

Joes is the fuckin same, aint shit changed. They are my brothers for life and some of the few people who really know and understand me. When's the next time brufuhs? hahah

Still, FUCK being politically correct haha. I'm loose and I'll prolly always be loose, as in I don't feel the need to ALWAYS be proper with my shit. Like forreals, ain't no Utopia happening around here, nigga haha.

My current opinion about Hip-Hop: Sometimes it's hella annoying when people say "I only listen to that good hip hop, or that positive hip hop" and then on top of that, want to put down rappers like Wiz or Lil B for being who they are. Honestly, fuck y'all haha. Hip hop and rap's always gonna have that "edge" where its offensive; it's one of the things I love about hip hop. Of course they're gonna talk about drugs, women, money, and violence. The artist is just expressing themselves. It's on the listener to make their own decisions. If you're gna be soft listen to something else. Or rap and make it yourself and make the "positive" music you speak of you pansy.

More later? Haha goodnight

Opinion.

I just don't like it when people pass judgment on others on insufficient information. I don't like it when people throw their emotions at people when they have been in the wrong; I feel like people should find fault from within and work from the inside out. I don't like it when people inundate others with the sympathy card. I don't like it when people harass and bully others into things. I don't like douche bags.

I go to UC Berkeley. I work hard in school. I don't like to put up with bullshit from other people. I'm at a point in my life where I prioritize in a fashion that sets up my future best. I don't believe in "Oh, its cool I didn't make it as something, I had fun along the way." Fuck that. Have both. Have it all.

There are people that disagree with how I live my life. I think that they have too much free time on their hands and too much idle mind space to worry about me and mine. I do favors thanklessly, I don't even look for credit. But when I am the subject of negative judgment, then it's not cool. When it comes down to it, the burning question is "Are you helping me build my future and helping me succeed? Is spending time with you going to help me succeed?"

Who helps me? My parents. My sister. My girlfriend. My few but close friends.

It's whatever, man. I'm driven. Most the time I put up this chill, funny outlook. But on the inside I'm an assassin coming for the top spot, bringing only those important to me along with me. Yeah, there's other ways to live life. But I won't complain when I get to where I'm going, and enjoy my fruits of labor.

On a softer, kinder note:

My girlfriend is the best, hands down. I spend enormous amounts of time with her, but as good times roll the hours pass by quickly. I mean like, I've always been a fan of dedication, consistency, love, and passion for things, but she's like the one thing in this world that makes me want to embody these things. I thoroughly enjoy saying to myself, "I like being dedicated to my girlfriend." I think loyal and dedicated are different. Being loyal to me means that you will not cheat on a person; dedicating yourself to someone means that and more. Dedication means to stick with them through tough and fun times, to not flee or stray when there is an issue at hand. Dedication means to keep yourself focused on that relationship, so it goes much deeper than ensuring that you won't be dishonest. It says you are willing to work on "us" in better or in worse. With that said, I'm dedicated to the things I love.

We know so much about each other, but there is tons and tons more left to know. It'd be cool to get to hear all of her. See all her perspective. See all her world. She amazes me everyday with things she does.

I think I'm a really simple person who still believes in very basic but important morals and values, but at the same time I think it works.

Update

I don't know, but life seems very gratifying the way they are now. School started and I generally like my classes. Engineering 10 is opening my eyes to how my life could be in a couple years. I'm dealing with all of these razor blade sharp cookies in there, and I always seem to stick out like a sore thumb. I have to find a way to make whatever my attributes are to work to my advantage, which is communication skills, writing skills. The professor did say that those are truly pertinent in becoming a successful engineer, because with those skills they can eventually oversee others. But I mean, how could I even think about overseeing others do projects and such when I can hardly manage myself? I will get there. Slowly but surely, a day at a time.

Life is good when taken a day at a time. You put forth your everything into everything basically, and doing that everyday will add up and you won't notice. I try to apply that towards academics and relations. It is an ongoing interconnected process, these things. You cannot be devastated by a single event or a bad day, or minor disagreements. The most courageous thing a person can do possibly is to show perseverance in the face of failure. It's easy to become frustrated with something or someone and put it off, but it's difficult to maintain composure and stay positive in the midst of many shortcomings.

I realize hella shit about myself through reflection, and I guess blogging helps me in some crazy mental therapeutic way. I like putting my thoughts down somewhere safe or telling it to people I love. It keeps me sane; keeps my loved ones close. I told my girlfriend that I tell her some stuff I've never shared with people. Maybe she didn't really believe it, but I know I meant it. And I enjoy giving her my deepest and darkest and most honest and hope she has great appreciation for it. I enjoy showing her sides of me that I don't show just anybody, sides of me that I generally feel uncomfortable showing. Is that a crime to hold back parts of yourself from the world? Maybe. I say no. Would it be better if I showed more sides of myself more openly? Yeah I guess, but I love that I can keep it exclusive to people I really care for. That's what makes it special because its uncommon. I don't think I'd be the same person or be as grateful if I let everything out. If you didn't notice, I like being a private person heading my own agenda and catering to those dear to me.

Life's on high with my girlfriend. Everyday is better. I can't help but smile. She deserves the girlfriend of the universe award. I know, corny. But she makes corn sweet. That kinda made sense haha

Thoughts.

I love my girlfriend to pieces. She gives me the greatest happiness. There's times where I don't really want to leave her side or be apart, but then I understand that everything is about balance, there is a such thing as healthy space. She's the bomb, the leading lady in my life. She lights up my world, she rocks my socks. She makes me smile, makes me happy, makes me want to be a better man really. The sky is the limit. Like, I really love her for her. I can't really explain it in words, but I love her everything. Every single thing about her I love. The way she acts, the way she looks, everything and every part about her. Even like, if she had any negative conceptions about her or her image, things she doesn't like about herself physically or something, I love it. I love her laugh, I love her voice, her singing, her guitar playing, her hair, her scent, her hands, feet, toes, legs, soft skin, face, lips, eyes, glasses, opinion, humor, stealo, personality... everything. And I really think she's the most beautiful young woman I've met at berkeley. And she's my girlfriend!!! Fuck I'm lucky.

Classes start tomorrow and I'm not in the state of mind yet. I'm in vacation mode still. I been thinking about spring break already. Does this show a lack of concentration? Haha naw, but I'll concentrate when something's given for me to.

One thing I look at every day when I'm at berkeley is a picture of my family on my desk. I know how much they love and support me, how big of a help they are to me. I can't let them down. Honestly they provide my motivation, my family. I was sitting down earlier thinking about my grandparents too, and how much they loved me and help me get this far. I think about this kind of shit, like who got me here. I'll make you guys proud.

I'm still itching to play some basketball. I bought a new one yesterday, and I'm gonna sleep with it. I'm either gonna be sleeping with that or my girlfriend. I really love basketball, and I'm gonna play my ass off, like I might go shoot hoops in the morning. I dunno. I'm just happy I have a ball now and I can go. Basketball is what got me into shoes, into Nike, Jordans, all that shit. I wouldn't be the same person if I didn't find basketball.

Kay, goodnight

Individuality.

Everybody talks about this idea about individuality, about being different. About sticking out. People always chase it, they strive to attain this uniqueness. In my opinion, I feel it's nothing to be attained or to be striven for. Being different comes from the inside. Being an individual is being real, being honest with yourself and to the world. It's that simple act of choosing on your terms, and not on anybody else's. It's doing you, whatever you is. And there is no article of clothing or external accessory in the world you can put on that makes you any singular or different from anyone. Being an individual is more so felt in a vibe about a person-- not in any visual sense. Sure, clothes and accessories are a vessel of your personality, but they are nothing but a vessel. A crown doesn't make a king.

However, this does not mean that conformity is a bad thing. If something that you do and enjoy and feel is part of what makes you "you" and it just so happens to be "mainstream", that does not make you any less of an individual. But to claim that you like something based on the sole fact that it is popular and that the majority of society deems something as "cool", then that is very bad. That is not individuality. That is just plain bad haha.

With all this said, I like what I am. I enjoy not sticking out. I enjoy being simple on the outside and a sharp cookie on the inside. I enjoy having a small circle of down ass friends and a lovely girlfriend. I enjoy keeping to myself haha. I enjoy expressing myself through forms other than declaring shit, like through my uke or playing basketball or through my actions, just living in general.


I love keeping opinions and thoughts that mean most to me for my dearest people in my life. And blogspot. Haha

Which is why I am not interested in Twitter or Tumblr or all that humbug. I leave that for people who put themselves out there more. The reblogging aspect of Tumblr turns me off the most.

I think that's why I don't respect Kanye anymore. He's too arrogant for his own well being. Yes, he is an undeniable genius musically and artistically-- but everytime he puts out something he backs himself up with his own opinion. I read his interview on Complex magazine online, and he answered a question pretty thoroughly, then immediately added at the end of his response, "Ain't that the most perfect response?!"

There was a point in time where I thought Kanye could potentially be the greatest ever (in my opinion of course) by the time he stopped putting out music. I was enamored by his gift to create both melody and rhyme at the highest level. Nobody else was doing it like that at the time. But he fell off. He kept his head in his ass.

Shit. I respect those who aren't necessarily there to take the credit, those who are recognized as being dope and do not have to toot their own horn for others to notice. You don't see Pharrell wildin' out at awards shows, but everyone knows how raw Pharrell is. I look up to Kid Cudi alot now, and I hope he doesn't get Kanyicitis. Them two niggas right now is legit to me. NERD in general. Cudi cuz he's real and his steez is raw. Plus I like listening to him when I'm high haha

But Weezy tops the list and keeps it on lock cuz he's so much better than everyone else. Period.

2010 Resolutions.

For me, last year was the bomb. I lived life fast. There were a lot of times I just let go of shit and went with everything. Shit was fun, man, shit was fun...

But me always looking on ways to improve on things, I relflect back and come up with resolutions for the new year in order to try and one up the previous one. And that means, to me, simplifying my lifestyle while still continuing to have as much fun as possible.

2010 will consist a lot of spending time with jorelle, playing basketball, studying, and chilling. Simple yet captivating.

Fuck unnecessary stuff like "volunteering my time". I have volunteered my time enough in the past four or five years to many clubs and organizations and institutions. This year, I'm going to give it the big F-U-C-K-T-H-A-T. As I get older, my time is getting precious and I need to utilize it for shit that is important to me. I need to stop giving my time up to "good causes" that I feel is worth dedicating myself to. Yes, life's been fun and I've had so many great experiences, and I wouldn't be the person I am today without them, but the path of life turns. However I don't like limitations or boundaries in life, and therefore will never rule this part of life out, but as of now I'm somewhere else.

I think if I dedicate myself to doing those four things, I will be a happier man. I mean, I love my girlfriend, I love basketball, I love studying, and I love chilling. If I'm spending all my time doing things I love, then life's great!

So that's that for the main resolutions. Here are a few subordinate resolutions that are picking at my brain:

BREAK NECKS. In a fashion sense, bring back the Jordans! Everybody today is on that chill, casual, relaxed look. That means Vans, Nike SB's, and Keds all day. No disrespect to any of those cuz I wear them, but I'm taking a stand for myself to conform a little less and break necks a little more. That means, wear the type of shit that makes people look DOWN! For me, less SB's and Vans, and more Jordans.

Catch up on a lot of good movies I missed out on, old or new. Expand my list of what I've seen in general.

Eat more vegetables and consume more milk

Buy more hats. Haha.

Spend more time with my God daughters

Explore

Expand my basketball game even more!




Theres always new shit I want to try out or new things to see. You can't always list everything. But I know the most memorable things that are going to happen can't ever be listed beforehand, that's what makes life great.

Dear Blogspot.

I know, I've been gone. Forgive me, but I was just living my life. But at least I'm back one final time before the new year.

Ever since my last post, a whole bunch of shit happened to me. The whole ordeal with Lily was deteriorating. It was mid October and the feeling of wanting to completely have no strings attached to anyone was overbearing. She would call me everyday, almost at a nuisance rate, calling to come visit or for me to hop on BART to get there to daly city. I wasn't having it, obviously. The academic rigor was picking up, and I wanted to dedicate myself more to studying. With all the time I spent doing intern PAA stuff, I felt spread a little to thin. I told her I wanted out completely. It wasn't so hard, being that we both had this unspoken understanding that us as friends with benefits was eventually going to stop, and that it wasn't going to end pretty. Yeah, she had that week afterwards where she was kinda devastated, but after that she honestly seemed fine. To be frank, I feel she's real happy now. She's been talking to like four, five guys ever since, probably simultaneously, and I think she's having serious feelings with some guy named Danny. Go figure, haha. I'm happy for her forreals. I've never really asked for any closure or anything, and she always goes on about how even though we don't talk anymore, she still wants me a part of her life and she wants to be good friends with me, because you don't just throw three years of a relationship and five years of a friendship away. I've always made an effort to be on good terms with all of my ex's, so I'm down. But it's not like I'm gonna be at her door asking to hang out. If it happens it happens.

Then Halloween Eve happened.

Ever since then, my world's been turned upside down, haha. This quirky girl with round thick rimmed glasses, Tom's shoes, hella good Daisy fragrance, whom I was unusually attracted to, was to blame. I remember seeing her alot that week. Steve Aoki performance with her at lower sproul was the shit. Studying at Moffitt was...studying haha but it was better with her around. Then by chance she asked me to come along with her floor to some frats friday night. Thank God I said yes haha. And like, ever since that night we basically saw each other every, single, day.

I always talk about like how it was hella by chance. Like, what if she never sat next to me that day she got in the class? What if I transferred out of that class I didn't need? What were the odds that I would meet my next girlfriend in Marine Mammals lecture? What were the odds that she would hail from downtown Los Angeles, six hours and three hundred miles away? Going to sleep all of those nights over summer wondering where in the hell would I find that next person, I would've never guessed haha, but I'm sure as hell glad it did happen.

Looking back at 2009, I had my many downs, but I had my ups as well. The first half of the year was bleak, at times manageable, but plenty of times downright shitty. I remember feeling like life was passing by slowly, and I didn't have much to live for at the time. I knew college was coming up, but it seemed so far away. Life at times was shit, like I was living in shit. All I really had was myself and my drive to do well on the AP tests, and to finish strong with the grades. All the other seniors were slacking off, I never experienced Senioritis. I missed the Senior trips. Gradnite was fun but coulda been greater. And then I graduated.

That event marked many new beginnings for me, and I ran with it. I lived a summer out enjoying the bay area sunshine and scenery, shopping, playing with my dogs, and making lasting memories with best friends. I got through a fall semester at the BEST college in the world, UC Berkeley, filled with knowledge, new friends, first time experiences, good vibes, and even a girlfriend!

The best part of the year, the best part about life, is the memories and experiences made.

But 2010 is upon us, and as I always say, each year gets better.