Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
What's Up?
Through everything, I cannot complain. No matter what happens in my life. I am alive, I can still laugh about things, I still have my friends. Life is too short to stop and become passive with things. That's how I go. I come with everything or nothing at all.
There are times where I think about when I die, I wonder if I'll have a conversation with God and we'll go over the decisions in my life that I made. I wonder if he'll tell me what I shoulda done, who I overlooked, if I married my soulmate or not, etc. Sounds very interesting.
As of right now, this weekend is gonna be killer. I have two essays to write in about four hours, starting at 9 am, which is a little over an hour from now. I gotta be at hogan. haha. gotta pick up alex first. Then study for AP Fiziks, haha.
In other news, I'm crushin on someone new. I called her on tuesday night, and we talked for 40 minutes. I hardly see her everyday, and if I do, sometimes it's just a hello and a hug. She's cool, the ghettoest girl I ever was interested in, which makes me feel like it's just a crush, but I'll see. I asked her to the movies yesterday, which was the first time I ever asked a girl to go out and watch a movie with me on a friday night. Instead I went with Rochelle, haha AND WE WATCHED XMEN AND IT WAS THE SHIT!
Even in my short 18 years, I've come to realize that life is never just (insert adjective here) by chance, life is what you make it, and how you perceive things. If you think things are exciting, it's because you think it so. If you think things are boring, it's because you think it so.
Time to go out and live haha
There are times where I think about when I die, I wonder if I'll have a conversation with God and we'll go over the decisions in my life that I made. I wonder if he'll tell me what I shoulda done, who I overlooked, if I married my soulmate or not, etc. Sounds very interesting.
As of right now, this weekend is gonna be killer. I have two essays to write in about four hours, starting at 9 am, which is a little over an hour from now. I gotta be at hogan. haha. gotta pick up alex first. Then study for AP Fiziks, haha.
In other news, I'm crushin on someone new. I called her on tuesday night, and we talked for 40 minutes. I hardly see her everyday, and if I do, sometimes it's just a hello and a hug. She's cool, the ghettoest girl I ever was interested in, which makes me feel like it's just a crush, but I'll see. I asked her to the movies yesterday, which was the first time I ever asked a girl to go out and watch a movie with me on a friday night. Instead I went with Rochelle, haha AND WE WATCHED XMEN AND IT WAS THE SHIT!
Even in my short 18 years, I've come to realize that life is never just (insert adjective here) by chance, life is what you make it, and how you perceive things. If you think things are exciting, it's because you think it so. If you think things are boring, it's because you think it so.
Time to go out and live haha
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I'm not okay.
I feel a lot of things. But lately, right when I open the blogger up and type down a few words, I just go "man all of it's going to get better, I don't want to write something here and then it gets fixed and then my entry just seems like wasted words."
Well, really... everyone's just trying to find a way out of my life. Everybody is just so anxious for graduation and their plans, everything. It just seems like right when they get their diploma, zoom they're outta here, and probably very happy to be out too. I get that vibe from people lately, very much so. Nobody wants to stay around it seems, when really someone's here just watching everything fall apart.
Who am I to stop anything? I don't even know if I'm important to them anymore, that's how bad it is. I try everyday to ask how their day was, if anything interesting happened, and everything gets swatted down.
What am I to stop people from what they want? If their future plans for after high school, whether it be moving or going to school, I hope to God that it brings them happiness. Because that's all I want the people I care for to feel-- happy.
But what can I do to contribute to people's happiness? Too many times I've heard that I was a waste of people's time, I was a regret, anything that involved me was a mistake, everything. I feel like total shit. And probably with my words and actions, I probably make everyone else feel like shit too.
How do I feel? I feel like I'm just trying to find happiness. What else could I do when Plan A doesn't work out? Sit around and be sorry for myself? I would die. Yeah, I try to be as happy as someone who's been through what I been through, can you blame me? But the most frustrating thing about it all is that they don't seem to be happy. I get affected when that happens, how could I not? I just don't get anything. I wish I knew what they needed. I know what I need.
The most frustrating thing is that I feel that if I don't try to talk to them, they're just gonna be okay with not talking to me.
Everyone loses.
Well, really... everyone's just trying to find a way out of my life. Everybody is just so anxious for graduation and their plans, everything. It just seems like right when they get their diploma, zoom they're outta here, and probably very happy to be out too. I get that vibe from people lately, very much so. Nobody wants to stay around it seems, when really someone's here just watching everything fall apart.
Who am I to stop anything? I don't even know if I'm important to them anymore, that's how bad it is. I try everyday to ask how their day was, if anything interesting happened, and everything gets swatted down.
What am I to stop people from what they want? If their future plans for after high school, whether it be moving or going to school, I hope to God that it brings them happiness. Because that's all I want the people I care for to feel-- happy.
But what can I do to contribute to people's happiness? Too many times I've heard that I was a waste of people's time, I was a regret, anything that involved me was a mistake, everything. I feel like total shit. And probably with my words and actions, I probably make everyone else feel like shit too.
How do I feel? I feel like I'm just trying to find happiness. What else could I do when Plan A doesn't work out? Sit around and be sorry for myself? I would die. Yeah, I try to be as happy as someone who's been through what I been through, can you blame me? But the most frustrating thing about it all is that they don't seem to be happy. I get affected when that happens, how could I not? I just don't get anything. I wish I knew what they needed. I know what I need.
The most frustrating thing is that I feel that if I don't try to talk to them, they're just gonna be okay with not talking to me.
Everyone loses.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Coolkid.
Let's go to Lake Herman and throw rocks at the ducks. Then throw boulders off the cliff into the lake hahaha. Let's go to Wing Stop and eat the 20 Wing special for $14.95! Watch movies with me when you have time. We can go to Target just to look at the toys section. Come to the mall with me and shop, hell, come anywhere with me just to shop! Call me at 5 in the morning just to talk. Take the Bart with me, and love the bart! Don't be afraid to take the lead. Gooooo with the flow. Come over and meet my family! Come over period hahah. Teach me how to fly a kite. Bike with me and Alex at the waterfront. Hang out with my friends. Be particular about what matters, and whatever about what doesn't matter. Have Dreams. Dream about us. Listen to Nas, and be into hip hop already without me getting you into it. Have more pairs of shoes than me, hahah. Please wear halfcabs, cuz girls with halfcabs are hella sexy. Dance with me. Shop at Haight and True and wear all the dope stuff I wish I had. Have an opinion about everything, and don't be afraid to speak your mind or hurt my feelings. Be street smart. Naturally love me and I'll naturally love you and I won't have to work for your love and vice versa, it'll just be...perfect.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
6 Things To Never Say To A Girl
"1). Are you okay?
If I'm not okay, I probably don't want to talk about it, and if I am okay, then I'll be irked that you think I'm not. A classic case of, "Heads I win, tails you lose," but what can we do?
2). Is it that time of the month?
Self-explanatory. Just don't go there.
3). Are you really going to wear that?
Yes. I am.
4). I was going to call...
Then you should have.
5). Your friend is pretty.
You are treading dangerous territory, my friend.
6). Mean things about her mother.
Even if our mother is Satan's spawn and we complain about her ourselves, it is not okay for you to follow suit."
I got that from a xanga blogger. Seems pretty damn true, and I've said 4/6 of those things before. It was all bad. Speaking of all bad, right now seems that way. The Bulls are getting their ass whooped, I'm stressin' out studying for these AP tests, I had a very big argument with the person that I don't want to lose from my life even though it seems like they're doing everything possible to do that, I have no friends, etc., etc.
Well, looking on the bright side this week...
Prom was pretty crackin' maaayynn, oh and ex-prom date Janevie came back from Hawaii =]! And she brought me a gift, whooot hahaha! Thanks for the soft-core porn status calendar hahah, I swear once I got it Alex and I got into a big fuss about which girl from each month had real or fake breasts. -___- HAA we even got the girls into it, and even nick hahaha
Cal-day was sick as fuck. It was like, whatever pedestal I held UC Berkeley on, just rose even higher, and whatever thoughts about how dope it was got multiplied by like 100. Big ass campus, joog on the student store (i swear i'm cleaning it out one day), good vibe, engaging students, faculty, and ms. jurkovich was the bomb, yo!
Then the same day I finally got my Cal hat 7 1/2. Finally, after like 2 1/2 weeks.. but it was pretty much worth the wait
finish this later, check me out yo haha
If I'm not okay, I probably don't want to talk about it, and if I am okay, then I'll be irked that you think I'm not. A classic case of, "Heads I win, tails you lose," but what can we do?
2). Is it that time of the month?
Self-explanatory. Just don't go there.
3). Are you really going to wear that?
Yes. I am.
4). I was going to call...
Then you should have.
5). Your friend is pretty.
You are treading dangerous territory, my friend.
6). Mean things about her mother.
Even if our mother is Satan's spawn and we complain about her ourselves, it is not okay for you to follow suit."
I got that from a xanga blogger. Seems pretty damn true, and I've said 4/6 of those things before. It was all bad. Speaking of all bad, right now seems that way. The Bulls are getting their ass whooped, I'm stressin' out studying for these AP tests, I had a very big argument with the person that I don't want to lose from my life even though it seems like they're doing everything possible to do that, I have no friends, etc., etc.
Well, looking on the bright side this week...
Prom was pretty crackin' maaayynn, oh and ex-prom date Janevie came back from Hawaii =]! And she brought me a gift, whooot hahaha! Thanks for the soft-core porn status calendar hahah, I swear once I got it Alex and I got into a big fuss about which girl from each month had real or fake breasts. -___- HAA we even got the girls into it, and even nick hahaha
Cal-day was sick as fuck. It was like, whatever pedestal I held UC Berkeley on, just rose even higher, and whatever thoughts about how dope it was got multiplied by like 100. Big ass campus, joog on the student store (i swear i'm cleaning it out one day), good vibe, engaging students, faculty, and ms. jurkovich was the bomb, yo!
Then the same day I finally got my Cal hat 7 1/2. Finally, after like 2 1/2 weeks.. but it was pretty much worth the wait
finish this later, check me out yo haha
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