Update

I don't know, but life seems very gratifying the way they are now. School started and I generally like my classes. Engineering 10 is opening my eyes to how my life could be in a couple years. I'm dealing with all of these razor blade sharp cookies in there, and I always seem to stick out like a sore thumb. I have to find a way to make whatever my attributes are to work to my advantage, which is communication skills, writing skills. The professor did say that those are truly pertinent in becoming a successful engineer, because with those skills they can eventually oversee others. But I mean, how could I even think about overseeing others do projects and such when I can hardly manage myself? I will get there. Slowly but surely, a day at a time.

Life is good when taken a day at a time. You put forth your everything into everything basically, and doing that everyday will add up and you won't notice. I try to apply that towards academics and relations. It is an ongoing interconnected process, these things. You cannot be devastated by a single event or a bad day, or minor disagreements. The most courageous thing a person can do possibly is to show perseverance in the face of failure. It's easy to become frustrated with something or someone and put it off, but it's difficult to maintain composure and stay positive in the midst of many shortcomings.

I realize hella shit about myself through reflection, and I guess blogging helps me in some crazy mental therapeutic way. I like putting my thoughts down somewhere safe or telling it to people I love. It keeps me sane; keeps my loved ones close. I told my girlfriend that I tell her some stuff I've never shared with people. Maybe she didn't really believe it, but I know I meant it. And I enjoy giving her my deepest and darkest and most honest and hope she has great appreciation for it. I enjoy showing her sides of me that I don't show just anybody, sides of me that I generally feel uncomfortable showing. Is that a crime to hold back parts of yourself from the world? Maybe. I say no. Would it be better if I showed more sides of myself more openly? Yeah I guess, but I love that I can keep it exclusive to people I really care for. That's what makes it special because its uncommon. I don't think I'd be the same person or be as grateful if I let everything out. If you didn't notice, I like being a private person heading my own agenda and catering to those dear to me.

Life's on high with my girlfriend. Everyday is better. I can't help but smile. She deserves the girlfriend of the universe award. I know, corny. But she makes corn sweet. That kinda made sense haha

Thoughts.

I love my girlfriend to pieces. She gives me the greatest happiness. There's times where I don't really want to leave her side or be apart, but then I understand that everything is about balance, there is a such thing as healthy space. She's the bomb, the leading lady in my life. She lights up my world, she rocks my socks. She makes me smile, makes me happy, makes me want to be a better man really. The sky is the limit. Like, I really love her for her. I can't really explain it in words, but I love her everything. Every single thing about her I love. The way she acts, the way she looks, everything and every part about her. Even like, if she had any negative conceptions about her or her image, things she doesn't like about herself physically or something, I love it. I love her laugh, I love her voice, her singing, her guitar playing, her hair, her scent, her hands, feet, toes, legs, soft skin, face, lips, eyes, glasses, opinion, humor, stealo, personality... everything. And I really think she's the most beautiful young woman I've met at berkeley. And she's my girlfriend!!! Fuck I'm lucky.

Classes start tomorrow and I'm not in the state of mind yet. I'm in vacation mode still. I been thinking about spring break already. Does this show a lack of concentration? Haha naw, but I'll concentrate when something's given for me to.

One thing I look at every day when I'm at berkeley is a picture of my family on my desk. I know how much they love and support me, how big of a help they are to me. I can't let them down. Honestly they provide my motivation, my family. I was sitting down earlier thinking about my grandparents too, and how much they loved me and help me get this far. I think about this kind of shit, like who got me here. I'll make you guys proud.

I'm still itching to play some basketball. I bought a new one yesterday, and I'm gonna sleep with it. I'm either gonna be sleeping with that or my girlfriend. I really love basketball, and I'm gonna play my ass off, like I might go shoot hoops in the morning. I dunno. I'm just happy I have a ball now and I can go. Basketball is what got me into shoes, into Nike, Jordans, all that shit. I wouldn't be the same person if I didn't find basketball.

Kay, goodnight

Individuality.

Everybody talks about this idea about individuality, about being different. About sticking out. People always chase it, they strive to attain this uniqueness. In my opinion, I feel it's nothing to be attained or to be striven for. Being different comes from the inside. Being an individual is being real, being honest with yourself and to the world. It's that simple act of choosing on your terms, and not on anybody else's. It's doing you, whatever you is. And there is no article of clothing or external accessory in the world you can put on that makes you any singular or different from anyone. Being an individual is more so felt in a vibe about a person-- not in any visual sense. Sure, clothes and accessories are a vessel of your personality, but they are nothing but a vessel. A crown doesn't make a king.

However, this does not mean that conformity is a bad thing. If something that you do and enjoy and feel is part of what makes you "you" and it just so happens to be "mainstream", that does not make you any less of an individual. But to claim that you like something based on the sole fact that it is popular and that the majority of society deems something as "cool", then that is very bad. That is not individuality. That is just plain bad haha.

With all this said, I like what I am. I enjoy not sticking out. I enjoy being simple on the outside and a sharp cookie on the inside. I enjoy having a small circle of down ass friends and a lovely girlfriend. I enjoy keeping to myself haha. I enjoy expressing myself through forms other than declaring shit, like through my uke or playing basketball or through my actions, just living in general.


I love keeping opinions and thoughts that mean most to me for my dearest people in my life. And blogspot. Haha

Which is why I am not interested in Twitter or Tumblr or all that humbug. I leave that for people who put themselves out there more. The reblogging aspect of Tumblr turns me off the most.

I think that's why I don't respect Kanye anymore. He's too arrogant for his own well being. Yes, he is an undeniable genius musically and artistically-- but everytime he puts out something he backs himself up with his own opinion. I read his interview on Complex magazine online, and he answered a question pretty thoroughly, then immediately added at the end of his response, "Ain't that the most perfect response?!"

There was a point in time where I thought Kanye could potentially be the greatest ever (in my opinion of course) by the time he stopped putting out music. I was enamored by his gift to create both melody and rhyme at the highest level. Nobody else was doing it like that at the time. But he fell off. He kept his head in his ass.

Shit. I respect those who aren't necessarily there to take the credit, those who are recognized as being dope and do not have to toot their own horn for others to notice. You don't see Pharrell wildin' out at awards shows, but everyone knows how raw Pharrell is. I look up to Kid Cudi alot now, and I hope he doesn't get Kanyicitis. Them two niggas right now is legit to me. NERD in general. Cudi cuz he's real and his steez is raw. Plus I like listening to him when I'm high haha

But Weezy tops the list and keeps it on lock cuz he's so much better than everyone else. Period.

2010 Resolutions.

For me, last year was the bomb. I lived life fast. There were a lot of times I just let go of shit and went with everything. Shit was fun, man, shit was fun...

But me always looking on ways to improve on things, I relflect back and come up with resolutions for the new year in order to try and one up the previous one. And that means, to me, simplifying my lifestyle while still continuing to have as much fun as possible.

2010 will consist a lot of spending time with jorelle, playing basketball, studying, and chilling. Simple yet captivating.

Fuck unnecessary stuff like "volunteering my time". I have volunteered my time enough in the past four or five years to many clubs and organizations and institutions. This year, I'm going to give it the big F-U-C-K-T-H-A-T. As I get older, my time is getting precious and I need to utilize it for shit that is important to me. I need to stop giving my time up to "good causes" that I feel is worth dedicating myself to. Yes, life's been fun and I've had so many great experiences, and I wouldn't be the person I am today without them, but the path of life turns. However I don't like limitations or boundaries in life, and therefore will never rule this part of life out, but as of now I'm somewhere else.

I think if I dedicate myself to doing those four things, I will be a happier man. I mean, I love my girlfriend, I love basketball, I love studying, and I love chilling. If I'm spending all my time doing things I love, then life's great!

So that's that for the main resolutions. Here are a few subordinate resolutions that are picking at my brain:

BREAK NECKS. In a fashion sense, bring back the Jordans! Everybody today is on that chill, casual, relaxed look. That means Vans, Nike SB's, and Keds all day. No disrespect to any of those cuz I wear them, but I'm taking a stand for myself to conform a little less and break necks a little more. That means, wear the type of shit that makes people look DOWN! For me, less SB's and Vans, and more Jordans.

Catch up on a lot of good movies I missed out on, old or new. Expand my list of what I've seen in general.

Eat more vegetables and consume more milk

Buy more hats. Haha.

Spend more time with my God daughters

Explore

Expand my basketball game even more!




Theres always new shit I want to try out or new things to see. You can't always list everything. But I know the most memorable things that are going to happen can't ever be listed beforehand, that's what makes life great.