Real

Time flies and we all go about our busy lives. But I stop at times and think about my friends.

I still see how much I've impacted your life. I like checking for that, it makes me feel like I've made a difference somewhere, and that's all you can really ask for in life-- to make a difference. Nobody wants to live and die without disturbing the water, so to speak. But yeah, I see it. In your youtubes, your racist jokes, your thoughts, even just giving things a chance that you wouldn't have given before. We're friends, and I know my calm reserve is sometimes mistaken for being unenthusiastic, but I love that we're cool. Visit me please? Cuz I did. Haha, just sayin!

And I know life ain't so hot for you right now, but you're gonna be okay. From personal experience, its easy to like you. Know that. I hate when you kinda forget and trip out like something's wrong with you, when it's not true.

Hit me up, dont be a stranger, you know who you are, you know I'm down.

PASAE AND PAA

Pilipino Alliance of Scientists, Architects, and Engineers.

Pilipino Academic Alliance.

That's where I am in my life. Like many other things I have devoted myself to (i.e. VHS Leadership and Class of '09, Kaiser Richmond, Filipino Club, Scarlet Masque, JV Football) I will give my everything towards these organizations' purposes. The best thing about it is that everything is run by the students, for the students-- meaning that its all freewill about what your input is. You can put in as little time or as much time as you want, and I love that shit.

Thinking about how things are structured, the less structure there is, the more I like it. I hate authority and levels of hierarchy, and I gotta respect someone first before learning or listening to them.

The more time I spend with PASAE members, the more I feel like I belong. It's a small group, twenty-seven members, logically since it is a minority-based club in the technical field, which marginalizes it even more. Their vibe is hella chill, but still on top of shit. That's hella me. Like I can relate to the guys in PASAE-- Smart-ass Engineer types but still chill and not nerdy and square status. Plus Raymond's doing it! When Mary gets to Berkeley, we finna get her in haha

I like PAA, I think PAA is dope and what they do is dope, it's just that PASAE is more my scene. PAA is where I definitely see myself applying what I learned in Leadership and stuff, with all the planning and setting up events, fundraising and shit. Plus they do PCN (Pilipino Cultural Night), which a whole lot of other universities do like SFSU, UC Davis, and way more. PAA has hella energetic fruity guys, less technical majors, more humanities majors, so you can see why PASAE is more my scene, but I can see myself with PAA meeting hella people and getting involved and shit.

I thank God everyday for the opportunity he's given me by letting me be able to attend such a good university such as UC Berkeley. I fuckin' love this school. People here are wired the same, like people gets active, people are young bright individuals, and there's always something going on at anytime. And I just thank God for this chance to be here, to grow, to experience, and to just live life, man. It's great.

I'll leave you guys with some words of wisdom in some assigned reading I had, "On Providence" by Seneca.

"Why it is that many evils befall good men if the world is governed by providence?... Providence rules all things and that god is concerned for our welfare... It is superfluous to point out that so mighty a structure does not persist without some caretaker... these phenomena do not happen without a plan... God's course is the same. He does not treat the good man like a toy, but tries him, hardens him, and readies him for himself... God's attitude to good men is a father's; his love for them is a manly one. 'Let them be harassed by toil and sorrow and loss,' says he, 'that so they may acquire true strength.'... By suffering misfortune the mind grows able to belittle suffering."

I like to live to inspire others, to motivate others. I like to live as an example.

I just wanna be successful.

Fuck it. That's what my heart desires.

I'm the hero of this story, don't need to be saved.

It's all right. No one's got it all.

If you haven't listened to Regina Spektor's "Hero", or any songs on the 500 days of summer soundtrack, you need to. Or watching 500 days of summer in general. I'm still on that movie, its so good haha. I can't wait to buy the DVD

I realized yesterday, that I don't laugh here at college like how I do with the Joes. I think the Joes miss each other, well, I know we do. The last time I really, really, couldn't breathe laugh, was the ride from BJ's.

Is there a such thing in life where you are content with how things are, but you're not happy? I think I fall into the content part most of the time. There are times where I'm like "shit, this shit is dope, I'm happy as a motherfucka." Then there's a lotta times where I'm like "Ehh."

Then there's times in life where I wish I had some sort of companionship, like a girlfriend or something. I think I've explained this before. It's like 10% of the time. The other 90% of the time I'm glad being single. But I don't think this is an accurate meter as to whether or not someone is ready for a relationship. Because, more or less, I'm kinda at this part in my love life where I'm like, "Try me."

There's been many times where I seen it in myself and in other cases where one person goes too far into trying to make things work, or "bending over backwards" per se, just for the sake of maybe finally going out with the person they're talking to. I used to think eventually it would work, but I don't think it doesn't, based on thoughts and personal experiences.

I usually just base it off the "initial vibe", and the "first five minutes". If both checks out, then yeah, there's a chance. Usually what happens though is a girl would have a cool vibe, but I talk to her, and I don't feel it. Actually, that's what always happens haha. And I'm content with continuing this process until a winner reveals themselves. But not happy with my love life, of course; you can't be happy with your love life if you're single-- that's an oxymoron.

Reality vs. Expectations

I'm taking a break from homework, and I decided to get on the internet like how I usually do. And I thought about this past week, and about my past 2 or three weeks in general.

And as the days pass and I get older, I realize what the quote "everything is everything" means. Like, I understand that the loss of innocence will come to everyone, cuz childhood's over and things don't stay golden forever. Some people choose to hang on to their so called "innocence" longer than others, and that's totally fine. But that doesn't make the people who choose to give it up earlier any less righteous. And I mean innocence as in trying drugs or alcohol, smoking weed or anything, losing your virginity, what have you.

I think it's only when they make the wrong decisions as in doing things in excess or when it becomes a problem is when it's time to worry.

The quicker people realize how to separate reality from expectations, then the better. Like, it's not fair to really judge people because of what they choose. Who are we to tell them? Friends are friends, and as friends we always should strive to keep our friends on the right track, but if they want to do something, go ahead and get on it haha. Friends are not parents.

In a way, experiencing the ills of life is necessary. We all have to experience the highs and lows just for the simple fact of saying "Been there, done that." You want to do it to get it out of your system before you settle down. Many marriages are broken because of the simple fact that they are unhappy with being settled, when in reality that's what you are supposed to be. You party now and get it out of your system in order to be able to devote yourself solely to your family and wife/husband.

But what about me? I understand that I don't smoke and drink, when most of my friends already have, and it's simply just my preference. On top of that, I don't feel any better about myself that I don't, nor do I judge people who do smoke and drink. I am not ignorant of the times, I am not perfect, and I know when getting wasted and drunk will be appropriate. Just not anytime soon. And it's not for anyone to tell me when, its mine, and when I do, it's not for anyone to judge as well.

Just a little brain exercise. I gotta finish homework haha

Statistics.

2.7% of the Berkeley student population is filipino.

10% of that 2.7% drops out.

There are about 35,000 Berkeley students.

That means about 800 filipinos.

May I add that many of the male filipinos are hella feminine.

Only 0.00125% of that 800 is a beast with steez.

That's a rare breed of an already scarce population at the University of California.

And on and on

I save all the cool things about me for a different time when I meet people. It's kind of like a risk, you know, when you don't put out your best qualities first, a risk that maybe that person won't want to be friends with you based on the vibe you put out. But in a way it's kind of indicating who would be your forreal friends and who's diggin' you just cause you can do this and that and the other.

Basically I don't really give much output when meeting people; I don't like really letting people know what I can do for fear of being used as pure entertainment or seen as a commodity. I like people who are cool with me because of who I am as a person. All of the other stuff like playing ukulele, sports, music, jerkin, clothing and shoes I like, that is secondary. I guess people find that stuff about me after being friends with me. Haha, it's always been like that.