I've been thinking about it for a while, that possibly I could make it in Berkeley's Engineering program. I thought about it from the first day of school to now, but I haven't really told my parents, and especially not to my dad until now.
I didn't apply for engineering in my application because I knew it was going to be hard to get into the school with it, because its so competitive. Had I applied under engineering going into berkeley, I probably wouldn't have gotten in and would be probably going to davis having a totally different experience than I do now. God, that would suck...
So I come to berkeley living in Foothill-- the engineering dorm. And I sit and listen to all of these hopeful engineers, trying to soak up anything and everything about the engineering program. I am still in awe that these are the same people who make up one of the world's greatest engineering programs, they are normal people, like me. They make me feel like I can do it.
But sitting at the table eating my breakfast and telling my dad that I wanted to do Civil E, and hearing him choke up because I knew for the longest time he's wanted me to do that-- it was the greatest feeling. It's even greater knowing that I feel the choice to do it isn't all for him, its mostly my choice, and I am so surprised of myself for feeling that way. I remember telling myself that I would never choose to be an engineer-- ever. Look at me now aha
It feels good making my dad proud after all the shit I put him and my parents through. It's a beautiful struggle. Life itself is a beautiful struggle. Making my parents proud is so fucking new to me, its like I don't know how to exactly feel. It just makes me want to accomplish my goal even more. It makes me just want to fuck all the extra bullshit in life, like worrying about girls or being cool or nice clothes or shoes. It's like, yeah that stuff's good, but I'm on this.
I'm looking forward to when I graduate and I have that Civil E degree from the University of California, Berkeley, and seeing the proud faces of my parents, family, relatives, friends, everybody. I want it. I'm driven. So God help me.
