Dear Blogspot.

I know, I've been gone. Forgive me, but I was just living my life. But at least I'm back one final time before the new year.

Ever since my last post, a whole bunch of shit happened to me. The whole ordeal with Lily was deteriorating. It was mid October and the feeling of wanting to completely have no strings attached to anyone was overbearing. She would call me everyday, almost at a nuisance rate, calling to come visit or for me to hop on BART to get there to daly city. I wasn't having it, obviously. The academic rigor was picking up, and I wanted to dedicate myself more to studying. With all the time I spent doing intern PAA stuff, I felt spread a little to thin. I told her I wanted out completely. It wasn't so hard, being that we both had this unspoken understanding that us as friends with benefits was eventually going to stop, and that it wasn't going to end pretty. Yeah, she had that week afterwards where she was kinda devastated, but after that she honestly seemed fine. To be frank, I feel she's real happy now. She's been talking to like four, five guys ever since, probably simultaneously, and I think she's having serious feelings with some guy named Danny. Go figure, haha. I'm happy for her forreals. I've never really asked for any closure or anything, and she always goes on about how even though we don't talk anymore, she still wants me a part of her life and she wants to be good friends with me, because you don't just throw three years of a relationship and five years of a friendship away. I've always made an effort to be on good terms with all of my ex's, so I'm down. But it's not like I'm gonna be at her door asking to hang out. If it happens it happens.

Then Halloween Eve happened.

Ever since then, my world's been turned upside down, haha. This quirky girl with round thick rimmed glasses, Tom's shoes, hella good Daisy fragrance, whom I was unusually attracted to, was to blame. I remember seeing her alot that week. Steve Aoki performance with her at lower sproul was the shit. Studying at Moffitt was...studying haha but it was better with her around. Then by chance she asked me to come along with her floor to some frats friday night. Thank God I said yes haha. And like, ever since that night we basically saw each other every, single, day.

I always talk about like how it was hella by chance. Like, what if she never sat next to me that day she got in the class? What if I transferred out of that class I didn't need? What were the odds that I would meet my next girlfriend in Marine Mammals lecture? What were the odds that she would hail from downtown Los Angeles, six hours and three hundred miles away? Going to sleep all of those nights over summer wondering where in the hell would I find that next person, I would've never guessed haha, but I'm sure as hell glad it did happen.

Looking back at 2009, I had my many downs, but I had my ups as well. The first half of the year was bleak, at times manageable, but plenty of times downright shitty. I remember feeling like life was passing by slowly, and I didn't have much to live for at the time. I knew college was coming up, but it seemed so far away. Life at times was shit, like I was living in shit. All I really had was myself and my drive to do well on the AP tests, and to finish strong with the grades. All the other seniors were slacking off, I never experienced Senioritis. I missed the Senior trips. Gradnite was fun but coulda been greater. And then I graduated.

That event marked many new beginnings for me, and I ran with it. I lived a summer out enjoying the bay area sunshine and scenery, shopping, playing with my dogs, and making lasting memories with best friends. I got through a fall semester at the BEST college in the world, UC Berkeley, filled with knowledge, new friends, first time experiences, good vibes, and even a girlfriend!

The best part of the year, the best part about life, is the memories and experiences made.

But 2010 is upon us, and as I always say, each year gets better.

Breakfast.

It's funny how little five minute breakfasts at home with your dad help a lot.

I've been thinking about it for a while, that possibly I could make it in Berkeley's Engineering program. I thought about it from the first day of school to now, but I haven't really told my parents, and especially not to my dad until now.

I didn't apply for engineering in my application because I knew it was going to be hard to get into the school with it, because its so competitive. Had I applied under engineering going into berkeley, I probably wouldn't have gotten in and would be probably going to davis having a totally different experience than I do now. God, that would suck...

So I come to berkeley living in Foothill-- the engineering dorm. And I sit and listen to all of these hopeful engineers, trying to soak up anything and everything about the engineering program. I am still in awe that these are the same people who make up one of the world's greatest engineering programs, they are normal people, like me. They make me feel like I can do it.

But sitting at the table eating my breakfast and telling my dad that I wanted to do Civil E, and hearing him choke up because I knew for the longest time he's wanted me to do that-- it was the greatest feeling. It's even greater knowing that I feel the choice to do it isn't all for him, its mostly my choice, and I am so surprised of myself for feeling that way. I remember telling myself that I would never choose to be an engineer-- ever. Look at me now aha

It feels good making my dad proud after all the shit I put him and my parents through. It's a beautiful struggle. Life itself is a beautiful struggle. Making my parents proud is so fucking new to me, its like I don't know how to exactly feel. It just makes me want to accomplish my goal even more. It makes me just want to fuck all the extra bullshit in life, like worrying about girls or being cool or nice clothes or shoes. It's like, yeah that stuff's good, but I'm on this.

I'm looking forward to when I graduate and I have that Civil E degree from the University of California, Berkeley, and seeing the proud faces of my parents, family, relatives, friends, everybody. I want it. I'm driven. So God help me.

When you're down, I'm down. It's funny how it always works that way.

Real

Time flies and we all go about our busy lives. But I stop at times and think about my friends.

I still see how much I've impacted your life. I like checking for that, it makes me feel like I've made a difference somewhere, and that's all you can really ask for in life-- to make a difference. Nobody wants to live and die without disturbing the water, so to speak. But yeah, I see it. In your youtubes, your racist jokes, your thoughts, even just giving things a chance that you wouldn't have given before. We're friends, and I know my calm reserve is sometimes mistaken for being unenthusiastic, but I love that we're cool. Visit me please? Cuz I did. Haha, just sayin!

And I know life ain't so hot for you right now, but you're gonna be okay. From personal experience, its easy to like you. Know that. I hate when you kinda forget and trip out like something's wrong with you, when it's not true.

Hit me up, dont be a stranger, you know who you are, you know I'm down.

PASAE AND PAA

Pilipino Alliance of Scientists, Architects, and Engineers.

Pilipino Academic Alliance.

That's where I am in my life. Like many other things I have devoted myself to (i.e. VHS Leadership and Class of '09, Kaiser Richmond, Filipino Club, Scarlet Masque, JV Football) I will give my everything towards these organizations' purposes. The best thing about it is that everything is run by the students, for the students-- meaning that its all freewill about what your input is. You can put in as little time or as much time as you want, and I love that shit.

Thinking about how things are structured, the less structure there is, the more I like it. I hate authority and levels of hierarchy, and I gotta respect someone first before learning or listening to them.

The more time I spend with PASAE members, the more I feel like I belong. It's a small group, twenty-seven members, logically since it is a minority-based club in the technical field, which marginalizes it even more. Their vibe is hella chill, but still on top of shit. That's hella me. Like I can relate to the guys in PASAE-- Smart-ass Engineer types but still chill and not nerdy and square status. Plus Raymond's doing it! When Mary gets to Berkeley, we finna get her in haha

I like PAA, I think PAA is dope and what they do is dope, it's just that PASAE is more my scene. PAA is where I definitely see myself applying what I learned in Leadership and stuff, with all the planning and setting up events, fundraising and shit. Plus they do PCN (Pilipino Cultural Night), which a whole lot of other universities do like SFSU, UC Davis, and way more. PAA has hella energetic fruity guys, less technical majors, more humanities majors, so you can see why PASAE is more my scene, but I can see myself with PAA meeting hella people and getting involved and shit.

I thank God everyday for the opportunity he's given me by letting me be able to attend such a good university such as UC Berkeley. I fuckin' love this school. People here are wired the same, like people gets active, people are young bright individuals, and there's always something going on at anytime. And I just thank God for this chance to be here, to grow, to experience, and to just live life, man. It's great.

I'll leave you guys with some words of wisdom in some assigned reading I had, "On Providence" by Seneca.

"Why it is that many evils befall good men if the world is governed by providence?... Providence rules all things and that god is concerned for our welfare... It is superfluous to point out that so mighty a structure does not persist without some caretaker... these phenomena do not happen without a plan... God's course is the same. He does not treat the good man like a toy, but tries him, hardens him, and readies him for himself... God's attitude to good men is a father's; his love for them is a manly one. 'Let them be harassed by toil and sorrow and loss,' says he, 'that so they may acquire true strength.'... By suffering misfortune the mind grows able to belittle suffering."

I like to live to inspire others, to motivate others. I like to live as an example.

I just wanna be successful.

Fuck it. That's what my heart desires.

I'm the hero of this story, don't need to be saved.

It's all right. No one's got it all.

If you haven't listened to Regina Spektor's "Hero", or any songs on the 500 days of summer soundtrack, you need to. Or watching 500 days of summer in general. I'm still on that movie, its so good haha. I can't wait to buy the DVD

I realized yesterday, that I don't laugh here at college like how I do with the Joes. I think the Joes miss each other, well, I know we do. The last time I really, really, couldn't breathe laugh, was the ride from BJ's.

Is there a such thing in life where you are content with how things are, but you're not happy? I think I fall into the content part most of the time. There are times where I'm like "shit, this shit is dope, I'm happy as a motherfucka." Then there's a lotta times where I'm like "Ehh."

Then there's times in life where I wish I had some sort of companionship, like a girlfriend or something. I think I've explained this before. It's like 10% of the time. The other 90% of the time I'm glad being single. But I don't think this is an accurate meter as to whether or not someone is ready for a relationship. Because, more or less, I'm kinda at this part in my love life where I'm like, "Try me."

There's been many times where I seen it in myself and in other cases where one person goes too far into trying to make things work, or "bending over backwards" per se, just for the sake of maybe finally going out with the person they're talking to. I used to think eventually it would work, but I don't think it doesn't, based on thoughts and personal experiences.

I usually just base it off the "initial vibe", and the "first five minutes". If both checks out, then yeah, there's a chance. Usually what happens though is a girl would have a cool vibe, but I talk to her, and I don't feel it. Actually, that's what always happens haha. And I'm content with continuing this process until a winner reveals themselves. But not happy with my love life, of course; you can't be happy with your love life if you're single-- that's an oxymoron.

Reality vs. Expectations

I'm taking a break from homework, and I decided to get on the internet like how I usually do. And I thought about this past week, and about my past 2 or three weeks in general.

And as the days pass and I get older, I realize what the quote "everything is everything" means. Like, I understand that the loss of innocence will come to everyone, cuz childhood's over and things don't stay golden forever. Some people choose to hang on to their so called "innocence" longer than others, and that's totally fine. But that doesn't make the people who choose to give it up earlier any less righteous. And I mean innocence as in trying drugs or alcohol, smoking weed or anything, losing your virginity, what have you.

I think it's only when they make the wrong decisions as in doing things in excess or when it becomes a problem is when it's time to worry.

The quicker people realize how to separate reality from expectations, then the better. Like, it's not fair to really judge people because of what they choose. Who are we to tell them? Friends are friends, and as friends we always should strive to keep our friends on the right track, but if they want to do something, go ahead and get on it haha. Friends are not parents.

In a way, experiencing the ills of life is necessary. We all have to experience the highs and lows just for the simple fact of saying "Been there, done that." You want to do it to get it out of your system before you settle down. Many marriages are broken because of the simple fact that they are unhappy with being settled, when in reality that's what you are supposed to be. You party now and get it out of your system in order to be able to devote yourself solely to your family and wife/husband.

But what about me? I understand that I don't smoke and drink, when most of my friends already have, and it's simply just my preference. On top of that, I don't feel any better about myself that I don't, nor do I judge people who do smoke and drink. I am not ignorant of the times, I am not perfect, and I know when getting wasted and drunk will be appropriate. Just not anytime soon. And it's not for anyone to tell me when, its mine, and when I do, it's not for anyone to judge as well.

Just a little brain exercise. I gotta finish homework haha

Statistics.

2.7% of the Berkeley student population is filipino.

10% of that 2.7% drops out.

There are about 35,000 Berkeley students.

That means about 800 filipinos.

May I add that many of the male filipinos are hella feminine.

Only 0.00125% of that 800 is a beast with steez.

That's a rare breed of an already scarce population at the University of California.

And on and on

I save all the cool things about me for a different time when I meet people. It's kind of like a risk, you know, when you don't put out your best qualities first, a risk that maybe that person won't want to be friends with you based on the vibe you put out. But in a way it's kind of indicating who would be your forreal friends and who's diggin' you just cause you can do this and that and the other.

Basically I don't really give much output when meeting people; I don't like really letting people know what I can do for fear of being used as pure entertainment or seen as a commodity. I like people who are cool with me because of who I am as a person. All of the other stuff like playing ukulele, sports, music, jerkin, clothing and shoes I like, that is secondary. I guess people find that stuff about me after being friends with me. Haha, it's always been like that.

College.

I cannot put into words what these three days have been like. When I said life changed drastically, it was an understatement. I've probably met hundreds of new people, some of whom I have a hard time remembering names. It's predominantly asian, then a distant white population as second, then probably indian/middle eastern. Nobody's filipino. It's weird how the half-a-handful filipinos that are here are so divided, except my roommate is half. There is no cluster of filipinos; to find two full ones is impossible. Rare to even see one.

Berkeley makes me realize how short I am. There's always something to do, something to see, someone to meet. It's so fast. Some people are definitely the people that hardly study and get good grades, some people work hard for their grades, and I feel inferior. By a lot.

Some people got 5's on all of their AP exams...and they got accepted into Ivy Leagues and everything, but just chose berkeley. That shit scares me.

The conversations I've had with people are so different from when I would talk to my friends. There is no slang used whatsoever. You hear a big word every other sentence, like "inundated" and "cognitive" and all those other adjectives that could be easily replaced with a simpler word. It's ridiculous.

It's hard to blog about my experiences because a whole bunch happens and its too much to describe. Let me try to put a whole bunch of shit down. Random stuff.

I bowled with Koreans tonight. My suite mates are introverted nerds that dont go out. Foothill is generally quiet, too quiet, and the south side is definitely better. My RA is cool. My roommate brought a 32 inch tv into our dorm, and im happy he did. Playing gears of war 2 until 1 am is dope. Food is kinda expensive. My legs are so tired from walking every day. Bums are scary. Berkeley is definitely not a place for relationships whatsoever. Everyone I've met is totally not looking for anything at all, and I feel in a way like my future girlfriend won't even come from Berkeley. Imagine that, being single for four more years. I guess people think I'm a pretty cool guy to talk to, I've met probably close to two hundred people in three days. I can definitely say one of my cooler new friends is my friend Kimberly Woo, whom I've spent today's afternoon and bowling night with.

I love college.

3 ways.

It was dope catching up with you guys again and talking about middle school and high school. It's always fun to hear about things people remember when you totally forgot about it. Ronnel and his big ass headphones HAHAHAHA

Toot!

I take a lot of pride in not tooting my own horn; hardly ever talking myself up or boasting. I always believed the coolest people personified the word instead of declaring or analyzing it. The thought of "actions speak louder than words", and to "speak softly and carry a big stick" resounds to me.

There's a lot of people who throw the word "cool" around like litter, and they come off as cocky. I'm not really mindful of them. If anything, I'd listen to them talk all day about how dope they are. I'd even reply to their statements and start conversation about their level of coolness, haha. That would be a very pointless encounter, though.

To be honest, the coolest people just do things instead of beating around the bush. They know hella stuff; just being outright streetsmart about a lot of different topics. They put out this sense of self confidence without putting out the sense that they're full of themselves, nor going out and putting everyone down for not knowing things.

Just the other day I got a comment about my Cal youtube in an earlier blog; they knew where that cheer was from-- The Rocky Horror Show. I thought that was cool for that person to know that. Kudos to you!

I really try to live off the thought of proving your worth instead of declaring your worth. If you're raw, people take notice. In all actuality, thats where the word "raw" derived from-- having sheer natural and exceptional talent in something; raw talent. Your parents always tell you to choose your friends wisely. Well, I always was gravitated towards those raw types. That's a compliment, friends!

I dont say that I know it all and that I look down on the uncool. Do you. That's cool enough in and of itself. Cool is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Pain and sorrow is in the eye of the beholder. Do you get where I'm going with this?

Basically, everything is dependent upon a certain perspective. That's what I learned in AP Physics, and that's probably the most important thing I learned in AP Physics. So fuck off, you smart ass Berkeley nerds. I'm coming for your ass. I'm rippin' heads off while turning heads.

To end, it doesn't hurt to toot your own horn here and there. The Good life has balance.

Unusual.

The last few days have all been about realizing, identifying, and understanding.

In a short ten days (nine if you count today being basically done) my life's gonna change drastically. I have to be ready for it, physically and mentally prepared.

I have to break the mold, break the culture that I am accustomed to, and I have to be ready to adapt. It's not survival of the fittest, but of the most adapted.

I have to understand that my life has to turn its focus on succeeding in my education. That's the most I can offer, and it's what I do best. I'm gonna have a little faith and hope that I can take on the challenge Berkeley has for me, I know it's not gonna be easy by any means.

I have to realize I'm gonna be a city kid now, where buses and Bart is your sole means of transportation. Thank God I have a bike. I'm going to use what knowledge of streets I have already and go off that, knowing that I will learn my direction with time. No more is the '86 Mercedes rolling up to the high school, with me runnin' shit. I'm a nobody, and I gotta prove myself that I belong.

I have to identify that girls in life are many things. Girls cannot be seen as all the same, nor can be generally addressed by any stereotype. Some are friends, some aren't, some are keepers, some you stay away from. Girls will be at college, I know that but I'm here for me and mine. That's the objective. I'm just trying to be a nice, bright young man.

I'm waiting.

Alexa Chung.

I've mentioned it before, but tonight I'm going to officially start my all out Alexa Chung public lovefest.

Her dad's chinese. Mom's british. She's twenty-six and she's five foot eight. God, I'm praying hard that I grow taller. I'm only an inch off haha.

You know, she's probably on of the top five celebrities I would really, really be excited to meet other than Lil' Wayne, Kanye, Drake, Pharrell. She's top five material, but the top girl for me.

Honestly I don't know what's gotten to me. I practically just started watching her show literally two weeks ago and I fell in love with her. Her accent is sexy. She's brilliantly witty and clever with her humor. That's the best humor of all hahah.

Yeah, I consider her my new girlfriend, since me and Meagan Fox have had our differences lately. Since Transformers 2 released, we eventually drifted and fortunately for me I found Alexa. We're happily together.

Haha, in my dreams. Plus knowing that I have no girlfriend whatsoever, not even close hahah. My love life is so nonexistant that it's becoming borderline petty and pathetic, I think. Whoo, way to go Earnest haha.

Alexa Chung...

Soon.

Taking a step back and looking to see how other people fare with their college preparations, people seem nervous. Anxious. Scared.

Anything but hopeful.

I see it way too many times where people talk about worrying about missing home, missing Vallejo, missing the past and holding on to it for too long. In all actuality, nobody is really going anywhere. Everyone's gonna be in the area. It's not like anybody went across the country or to another state or even down south. If you really care or vice versa, friends would either visit each other at college or make plans during the breaks or weekends. It's that simple.

Vallejo will still be there. It will always be. Same old Vallejo. This is a good and bad thing.

The stuff I take pride in myself is my ability to tolerate a lot of things without complaining, whining or losing composure, and my knack for looking on the bright side. With that said, I'm not really worried about missing anything or anyone. Yeah, I would miss my family if anything but even then that's minimal. I'm not worried about missing Vallejo. I'm not worried about my past. I will miss my close friends, but it's a feeling that must be kind of ignored, it's like necessary.



My vision of college is to learn to do you. Be you, be nobody but you, and to learn to do you good. It's about learning who you are, being able to stand up and spread your wings without being judged or worring about all the BS of high school. It's a fresh start, a clean slate. Nobody knows who the hell you are, some people dont care, some people want to care.

Some people don't see the opportunity at hand.

I'm not saying that I'm gonna get out there in Berkeley and never coming back to Vallejo or the people I know in it, but what I am saying is that I'm gonna make the most of my opportunity. And people who know me best know that I do that with every chance that I'm given. They knew that I gave everything I could to Vallejo and Vallejo High when the time came, working tirelessly in the classroom, in Leadership, and everything else I did.

I'm not dissing where I came from, I'm not ditching anyone, I'm saying that the time for us to find our paths in life has come.

And it's gonna start real soon.

I love College.

This was how my orientation ended. It's not a video of my specific orientation, but it was exactly like it. This moment made all of my uncertainties about choosing the right college go away. Enjoy.

P.S. I can teach this cheer along with a bunch of other Cal cheers to you if you ask!

Coming to an End

Summer is slowly coming down the stretch. There's about four more weeks left, probably even less since some of the time must be used for buying stuff for my dorm or going school shopping. It's like a dead time right now haha

Nothing's really happening, everyone's working or busy. It's cool though, I mean it's not like I'm always home, but I'm home more. Today I'm going to see Kris Lawrence with Ronnel and Rochelle? haha.

August 10 is the SF vs. LA game? oh shit. haha, "We ruuuun LA"

August 24 is when I move in to my dorm, and it's also Ronnel's birthday. Aww! I need to get him something. Him, Rochelle, Lisa haha but I been know what to get Lisa haha

Honestly I haven't thought of the 24th until it gets reminded to me. I haven't gotten ready at all yet. What I have been doing is learning songs on my ukulele! Had my first jam session like two days ago. I'm hella bad hahaha

The nights end pretty quietly. Sometimes I just go to sleep early, and when I'm up I'm just playing uke. I haven't talked to girls in a long, ass, time. And my IM list is pretty mute. haha

I kinda want a going away party. Just to see everyone again for a good one time before I go. That'd be the shit.

Berkeley, and 80 West.

For the greater part of the last 8 days, I have been on and in these places.

Last Saturday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday I've just spent days in Berkeley. On campus, at orientation, even after orientation ended I went back the next two days to just explore telegraph, bought some new SB's! I'm beginning to know Berkeley and how to get around it like the back of my hand.

How I feel about college and what's in front of me, is like a time bomb. Sooner or later I'm gonna explode and get out there and get active. Chillin' and having time off this summer is fun, and no doubt this has been by far the best summer I ever had, but there is definitely something greater in life to conquer. What little glimpse I had at orientation, it just helped me realize that. The people I got to meet, and then coming back to facebook and actually finding them, it's exciting.

I found my roommate and friend Raymond on facebook, and I thought I was gonna like jump for joy. That nigga is cool. And it's especially funny how he was the very first person I met there. He's like into all the shit that I'm into, but way smarter.

You can check out my other new fwends in my new friend acceptances on facebook. Just go to my profile.



The way I feel, it's like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff, and I'm itching to jump off and spread my wings. I'm ready to fly.

Last two days was Amazing.

Again, the last two days have been amazing. Mostly because of hoopin'/chillin'/explorin'/swimmin'.

Two stores on that previous list have been checked. SB Bruin's are nice...

I had stroke yesterday and today. It's nasty right now haha. The sky is falling, it's raining outside, I'm at splash mountain, wet daddy, whatever you wanna call it, my shot is dead on and I'm wet. Today it was at american canyon. First I was just shooting around and stuff cuz nobody was there, but around 7ish people came. Big people. Tall people. I'm talkin' six feet and over, twenty-two year old black people. It didn't matter. hahaha.

All I gotta say is...they didn't want it. It sure was hot outside though. I'm getting dark

Yesterday was fun too. Went swimming with the fam, then chilled at Sarina's for a bit. It was good seeing Alexis again. He is my nigga.

ORIENTATION TOMORROW AND I DIDN'T DO HOMEWORK YET?! SHEEIT!!!

My Nike's.

Me and my nike's have a bond. Sometime's I hate that I have so much, and there are a few that I want to get off my hands, but for the most part I have appreciation for all of them.

There are a few SB shops worth hitting up this summer:

Boardgardens in Napa
Fresh Fits in Fairfield
510 Skateboarding in Berkeley (Telegraph too...wtf?!?!)
Caliskatz in Fremont
Stussy SF on Haight
Deluxe in SF on Market
Huf in SF on Hayes...not the one on Sutter, that sucks
Log Shop in Pacifica
Triumph in San Rafael


That's a lot of stores to see. But it's possible this summer. I bet at least three of those stores on that list will be looked at this week. I'm not necessarily going to buy something, which is highly unlikely since I have low funds, but more for adventure and finding cool stores to shop at that other people don't know about.

I love these types of stores because they are really "hole in the wall" kind of stores, separated from malls or any shopping centers, just in the middle of communities that you really have to look for. They kind of blend in too since the stores are so small. Just last week I found one shoe store in Westlake, Kick City. Who woulda thought? haha



It's cool that you're talking to someone else, I'm happy for you. It's worth mentioning, and just know that I haven't gone anywhere, you can count on me to talk when you need it. I won't weird out on you, I'll just be that constant person. It's good.

As for me, I'm not looking. I thought about it for a long time and honestly felt that I haven't met my next girlfriend yet, like she's not someone I know. Let's keep it that way, haha cuz I'm gona to be single for a loooonnnnng time. But I like a girl who's beautiful and doesn't even try, naturally hella fun but not clingy, laughs at my jokes and thinks I'm funny. I can't really think of anyone who fits that right now..

By the way, I got some new jokes!!!! Ask me hardy har har

Giants.

A lot of times I totally forgive people for the whole particular incident the moment they say sorry. I just give people hell until they are and then I completely forget about it. It's that short term memory haha

There's a lot of times where I talk to people and the conversation is totally about them, and I'm there talking about them.

I enjoy being polite to people.

I like being her good friend. Means alot to me that she's able to talk to me about her current ventures, it probably means alot to her too, or at least I'd hope so. Good luck! haha I knew it was gonna take a guy or someone new for it to get over. That or hella time. It's good though, I like this role. =]


I'm gonna get down that she was mine song on uke if it's the last thing I do!

Giants game tonight! Tim Lincecum is pitching! Outfield seats! ooooo boy

Legends.

Just thinking about Michael Jackson's memorial, his life, his death, just Michael Jackson in general. No homo.

I like to research and read stuff on the internet, especially on Wikipedia. The day after Michael Jackson's death I looked up the only other superstar whose death was as tragic-- Elvis. He died of drug overdose. Michael Jackson is not as serious, but somewhat similar since his prolonged use of drugs over the years due to stress and strain from accusations of the media that provoked his cardiac arrest. I read pretty much the whole Wiki Page on Michael, and most of Elvis'. I would then watch his music videos in between paragraphs. Then I googled his images though the decades.

What I thought was most interesting was how his face morphed from 1981, to 1984, to 1987, to 1993, to 1997, to 2005. Bad, real bad! But honestly if I was a teenager in the 90's I would probably idolize MJ, both MJ's hahaha Michael Jordan too. I think it's just because MJ in the 80's was so smooth and he had cutting edge steez, like nobody was on his level of flair. Michael Jackson had sheer star power. Not even Kanye was as stuntastic.

My favorite Michael Jackson song was probably "The way you make me feel". That's going on a tangent but whatever, haha. Good song, haha. It just amazes me how he impacted the world so much, even in my life. Good man.

I really want to read that book Omnivore's Dilemma. But I really need to finish my homework. Gay ass class.

Uncertainties.

Yesterday I was at my Uncle Mike's house, and my Auntie Basang was on her web cam with her mom in the Philippines. She was introducing everyone around in sight of the camera and got to me, all the while showing my goddaughter off haha. The reason why I bring this up is because even someone across oceans and in a totally different country, on the other side of the globe, eleven thousand miles away, identifies me as "oh, it's the genius of the family!" Great. -___-

I never knew my Auntie in Florida went into Computer Science too. She's not into all the programming side of it like my Uncle is. I really need to talk to her about what she does haha. But it is cool to know two relatives got into what I'm planning on doing! Is it in the genes? haha just kidding.

Really, I'm not ashamed of it, but it just amazes me that I'm really seen as smart first. Like, people think of me and the first thing they think of is smart. That's cool. I guess I am, cuz I'm going to Berkeley right? People don't normally get the opportunity to. I honestly haven't had one thought about school or college this summer. I totally let all of it go and I'm exhausting all of my "let's get active" attitude until my mind starts to head back into study mode. Good plan right?

Orientation is on the 15th-16th. I get to sleep at the university for a night haha! I'm gonna love college.

Giants game on the 9th! OH SHIT

There's this one book I'd really like to read. It got sent in from the University. It's entitled "The Omnivore's Dilemma"-- i read like 5 pages and stopped. Haha but I plan on picking up!



I like being the Batman in life. People think something of me, and I don't really care. I just do my thing and don't get caught up in trying to upkeep in explaining myself or my rep. Because I feel people will just see the good in the long run. Eventually over time people will know I didn't do drugs or smoked or was all over girls. Time tells.

People will see the good.

A start

but the movie times weren't right, probably for a reason. not tryna force

4 am.

Okay, so I apparently fell asleep with the laptop on again. Now I'm up.

I really like blogs that are real. That bare a little piece of mind and soul in the post. Those kinds of blogs that totally say "Alright, this is how I feel. Okay world, take it how you want to take it." I like reading Rochelle's, Lisa's, and even Angela's too when it's good. My sister's is also sometimes interesting, but I can't read all her posts because then I would think she's all homo no hetero hahaha just kidding

Have you read Lisa's blog entitled "Ode to the nice guys"? I read it like last week, and I just found myself coming back to it a while ago to read all the stuff that nice guys are and do and see how much of it applies. I feel like I am a nice guy sometimes, and other times I'm not. But I honestly believe my intentions are always in the right direction. It may not work out that way or seem so, but my intentions are dead on. I dunno, am I a nice guy?

Natalia said as she told me last night how we wouldn't work out that "I'm a hella nice guy and hella smart too. And any girl would be lucky to have you =)" I'll just take it for what it is, which is a compliment.

Sometimes people would take comments like that and dismiss it as total bullshit. But I'm an optimist in this rough world, so I'll believe that it was heartfelt and true.

Transformers 2 is a good ass movie. I'm not going to spoil it. Okay okay I'll spoil it: Meagan Fox is so hot! And a good ass girlfriend! How old is she? I have a chance...haha

More Opinions.

I really like treating these blogs like a diary. hahaha no homo

I don't like mixes or mash-ups of songs unless it's played by a DJ at a party. I prefer original tracks of songs when listening to music.

Songs that are good right now:

The Killers - Human, MGMT - Kids, Michael Jackson - Human Nature, Grind Mode - I'm So High, Julian - Do it, Don't Stop, Ryan Leslie - Gibberish, Kid Cudi - Man on the Moon, Clyde Carson - Secret Lover, Lupe Fiasco - Shining Down


I like playing my ukulele! Today I learned how to play undercover lover, Hot N Cold, and Somewhere Over the Rainbow! Everyday I'm getting better, it sounds nicer and nicer hahah

I've noticed this summer I've tapped into my musical rhythm side a whole lot. I'm beginning to become more "music smart". With my uke, and i started playing DDR two weeks ago at my cowsins house. Dope stuff.

I'm hella not feeling my homework. I'm tired of visiting websites and writing a "summary of my findings."

I keep running into Jeremy ever since we got cool again hahaha. Gas stations and Target and at stoplight intersections...Wierd right, when I never ran into him when I wasn't cool with him like now?

Natalia and Dorothy have been real cool lately. I told Natalia I was feeling her a little lately, like since maybe the last week of school. She was real mature about it, saying that she knows it wouldn't work out because of church and I knew that since the moment I started feeling her and I knew it was just a little thing, it wasn't even enough to be a crush. I honestly liked and respected how she was mature about it, and it was even better afterwards cuz we talked a little more about stuff after that, like about what we're majoring into and stuff. She's going to be an engineer? Well, sky's the limit for you, go ahead! Haha



I really thought we were gonna be good friends after I came back to talking to her again. I really hoped for it. Honestly I wanted to be her best friend, which i would eventually get to, I hoped, but really I thought it was gonna be kinda hard to do that since she already had a girl and guy one. I wanted to try anyway. I was really ready for it, but she told me she guessed she wasn't ready after all. That bummed me out alot. We basically were cool for like four, five days. It made me miss her now. I'll wait though. No rush.

I really told her that she was special and rare, and girls like her don't come around much in a lifetime. She's really the type to end up with, and I hope she remembers all of that of which I told her. Honestly I'd be thrilled to end up with her somehow way later in the future, but that's a totally different story and more of wishful thinking on my part. It just makes me bummed right now because right now I want a friendship, from all girls actually. Yeah I can be attracted to someone, but I know that girl is totally not for me and is WAY out of my league and almost no chance. Like Joanna and Natalia. So it's basically harmless. I really enjoy being single and just living, not having to worry about what my girlfriend thinks of what I do or say or whatever.

But that's the thing with girls. Girls think that the way you act when you're single is how you act when you're in a relationship. Wrong.

A new perspective

Guess where this song's from? Yeah..I love that movie.

Things happen for a reason. So I'm in a summer class, and by chance my neighbor's in it. He, his brother, and I used to play outside all the time this one summer when we were kids, but after that we drifted. ALOT.

But now we're in this computer class together, and there's group work, so he and another classmate named Jack teamed up with me to form a group. So basically I go out in the day, then come over at night. It's a real perspective-changing experience. First off, just catching up with him how he's doing, and catching up with his brother too. His brother's really close with Deryll, so it all intertwines. My neighbors graduated from Jesse Bethel, so yeah, small world.

Jeremy, the one in my class, is a cool ass dude. I catch these little tidbits of advice and pointers about life from him every time I'm at the house. He's one of those guys you would think would have a girlfriend or something, so I asked him, and to my surprise he didn't. He said he didn't really like the clingy-ness and bother that a relationship brings.

Thinking about it, I'm not clingy at all. Maybe that's a bad thing if I had a girlfriend. Even if I did, I'm not feeling the clingy shit.

He drinks and used to club alot though. He said he doesn't really do as much anymore, mainly just chillin. His Honda Civic is unbelievable. It's categorized as a racecar, and he's gotten a ticket because of it since you cant drive racecar types in domestic streets. We went for a drive one night, and it went from a stop to 80 in seconds. I was blown away.

Like I said, he's a cool dude. He's on all the new steez and hype, everything from having all the new music on his itunes that I wish I had, to finding shops and people to change his old baggy pants to skinny's. I would've never thought of that haha.

It makes me think like, how would I be if I got closer to them sooner? Probably on the wrong roads of life. At least now I'm sure of myself that I wouldn't let myself go down those paths. I'm exposed to all of that shit almost every day, asked to do shit almost every day too. I simply say, "Naw, I'm good." Just last night I was at Drew's getting a cut for today, and they started the hookah and I was just sittin there, smoke all up in the air, haha.

Today I woke up and smelled like hookah, hahaha. I am drug/smoke/alcohol free and will remain that way. The last time I did anything was Prom night when I took a shot of Heem, and after about ten minutes my liver hurt, hahahaha, so I'm sure.

On a side note, I bought my uke the other day! 200 man. Kala brand. Sounds beautiful. That's pretty much the centers of my world now-- my dogs, my uke, and my education. My loves are my family and friends.

Life is good right now. Jeremy showed me that you can be dope and not have a girlfriend for over 4 years and running, to just live and let things happen for you. It's all good.

2 am.

I hate this part of the night. Not for apparent reasons, that it's dark and spooky, but because I always think around this time.

It's late, nobody to talk to on the phone, everyone's sleeping, so I have nothing to do. Then my mind just starts to wander.

This is the part where I lay in bed and wonder about things.

There's a lot of times where I catch people saying or doing lots of things that they don't mean. There's this one thing, and it's kind of messing with the fam's summer. I thought it was a kind of dangerous idea from the start, but both of them were happy. Now what I expected happened, and now look. Ay yai yai

That's another thing I've learned after being single and not having serious feelings for anyone for a while: people act different when talking/in love/ with someone than when they aren't. I kinda don't like the change in people, but it's pretty inevitable if you think about it. I think it's because when liking someone, your awareness of that person and yourself skyrocket, when as opposed to not liking anyone, you're just living along with most other things, having fun.

I think that's another way to gauge if you still like someone or not; whether or not you are aware of them like that.

Ronnel knows me best. He said I am single and everything and I catch feelings from time to time, but all of that's not serious. What is serious to me though, is that deep, deep down inside I still like someone, with serious feelings.

...yeah. But it's wishful thinking, right?

I am taking an online course through Napa Valley College. I gotta buy a ninety dollar text today. Shit. It's an intro to Computer Science class, and it's not an online course where you can go your own pace, there's deadlines and stuff.

Jackie was right, community college classes are shit and don't help for shit. I guess I'm just wasting my money and doing busy work?

Whoopee.

I think I forgive people very easily. Like once they say they're sorry I drop it. Is this for better or for worse?

Damn being up at night.

Recently

Lately I've been unable to articulate my thoughts into a great blog entry. This one's going to be pretty shambled and scattered as well, just like the last one.

Well, high school is over! Four years of my life now a part of my past. I am a VHS Alumni now, and I am glad to say that I enjoyed my time as a student attending there. There were times where I have spoken out against Vallejo High due to frustration, but I genuinely loved the school as a whole because it helped to make me who I am today. I cannot be mad at that. Looking back, it is true that upon reminiscing something, you tend to forget all the shortcomings and remember all the good times. Through all of the bad, the good shines through and that's what I remember from my high school years.

Graduation was bittersweet. The whole week I enjoyed writing meaningful entries into my friends' yearbooks, I hope that they see my earnestness in what I wrote. As for the ceremony itself, I thoroughly enjoyed it. What made me cry was that it's really over, and the thought that here I stand, after all the hardships and stress, staying up to write an essay, projects, posters, math problems, and all the extracurricular stuff I will miss. I sat there looking at people graduate, and I imagined how they perceive their years of high school. Will they miss it, hate it, love that it's over, or no reaction at all?

The odd part to the day was how I ended up sitting next to her. I kinda just came to a conclusion that its another reason why things happen for a reason. I really didn't have any qualms about it, it was more like "oh, okay." One thing though, the awkwardness was so thick it could've been cut with a butter knife. Once it was graduation, I just told myself to seize this opportunity to take a step in the right direction. Maybe we were meant to be put in that seating. I wish her the best in all her endeavors. I wish for her happiness. I know she understands what I was to her, and if anything I hope I changed her perception of life in some positive way. I will always see her as the one who got away, as of now, barring any miracle occurring.

Sometimes I have visions of running into her sometime later in life, whether it be at a restaurant or random place, and we just get to know each other all over again. Because the connection was undeniable. That, would be nice. Oh well, I'll just live on and see.

Lately I've understood how much I love my closest friends. The Joes and the Fam make everything in life okay, and they make everything fun. I love how we can just talk about stuff. I love how we go through shit together! Just earlier tonight we went to Lake Herman! HAHA at around 10:30, after a day of chillin and Concord mall! Fun!

On a side note, Marcus is slowly getting bigger. He's still a puppy and I still carry him around like a little baby, but I can tell. I love Meilene!

Living.

I haven't blogged for a long time. I'm a bit rusty, and I know people usually read my titles and read on and figure out that it relates to the content of the blog, but I think this entry's gonna be pretty all over the place. Thoughts will come to mind, and I'll put it down as I see fit.

High School's almost over. It hasn't hit me yet, but tears come and go at times, randomly too. I could wake up early and think about it and come to tears. Last friday was the last official day of classes, and it hit me that it was my very last day in Leadership. After getting all of those awards, I really felt like crying but didn't. I held back tears at the Filipino Awards Ceremony forreals. But that was partly mixed with other reasons.

I love Marcus "Iggy" Salgado III! He is the sixth member of the Salgado family. I'm not quite sure what he is mixed with, I thought he was part German Shepherd, but I talked to the girl a week ago and said he was part terrier for sure. He has long legs so I think he's going to grow into them. Having a puppy is no joke. You really have to take care of it, and feed it correctly, and teach it how to behave and what's acceptable and what's not, and lots of love is involved as well. Marcus is really cute, and I think he's worth some of the hassles raising a puppy can bring.

Over the past month or so, I've gotten closer to a lot of older people who have a lot to offer to young adults like me. People like my Uncle Mike, Ms. Jurkovich, and Auntie Bell, they have one way or another made an impact upon my life recently, each in different ways too. My Uncle's pretty much been a good person to look up to for me. He's an ex-Marine, is into computers, has a cool job where he does what I think I might be interested in getting into, and he's welcomed me in and opened up to me to share plenty of stuff that he's gone through, he knows, and he advises. I love talking to my uncle because he knows I'm interested and he's so open to share tips. Ms. Jurkovich is the same way; whenever I have a question about college or UC Berkeley more specifically; she tries her best to tend to my needs, and then she goes beyond what I asked for. I really think she's the woman responsible for getting me into UC Berkeley. If it wasn't for her, I'd be on a different path of life right now. Auntie Bell is someone whom I just got closer to yesterday from volunteering at Pista Sa Nayon, I didn't know she went to UC Berkeley too. That blew me away.

Forreals, the more you live life, the more you realize how much you can learn just by talking to people. I used to imagine "exactly how much knowledge is there in the world?" I would think that there is education knowledge, experience knowledge, and people knowledge. Just think about if you sat down and talked to everyone in the world and got to understand how each of them viewed things; you would know so much.

Sometimes I think about the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons" and think about what it's message is: "Life must be understood backward, but must be lived forward." Lately I've found plenty of situations where it applies, such as taking advice from other people. Of course it is great to learn and listen to tips of advice all the time, but at the same time people must do things for themselves and go through their own experience. Hence the understanding backward but living forward.

I've come to understand that God has a higher purpose for everyone and that things happen for a reason according to your purpose in life. With that said, I still try my best in everything that I do and feel disappointed when things don't go the way I hoped it would. I feel like that's how you gotta live to get anywhere in life. It's probably best explained in the quote by Will Rogers: "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Yeah, God has a purpose for all of us, but that does not liberate us to be passive with our lives.

The past month or so, I probably lived life half-heartedly. I held back everything. I got used to things I shouldn't be used to, and was really down on myself. I let everything get to me. I let it bring me down all the way, probably deeper than I've ever been. In many ways, I would wake up, go to school, and come back home not knowing who I was. I was so bland with everyone, I totally lost my identity. Honestly I'm still trying to find it. I'm not funny how I used to, I'm not able to be open or upbeat with people, I totally lost it.

I know being in the condition that I am now, it's going to take a really, really long time, but I'm not going to put a cap on it by estimating how long its gonna take. I know that what's been tried before hasn't worked at all, so I'm in no rush. I don't want to rush into mending it when I'm not done recovering, just for the sake of trying to fix matters because I can't stand that we don't talk. I'm not going to give in to my desire to be a part of her life and my willingness to be a major friend of hers. I'm going to wait until I'm ready. Most importantly I'm not forcing anything.

Swan Song

401 Total Hours recorded on time log (including summer homework)

Planner Check:

I have returned all AP Physics textbooks to Mr. Tillay, but I have yet to turn in my Library textbooks.

My Project is not done by June 5th, 2009, although it will get done by Monday.

Yes, I have paid my $12.50 for my Kaplan Guide!


My effort the last four weeks: Poor. I've got to admit, I tanked after AP exams. It was more like a passive-agressive response; I worked my ass off until the day of the exam to pass it, which I feel I did, and then after that I was so wrapped up in learning lines for the school musical, then letting loose at Gradnite. I didn't get to enjoy much before the exams, so I indulged a bit afterwards.

Turning in work the last four weeks: Poor. It comes hand in hand with my effort. By the way, no matter what I do I end up sleeping at 11 pm every night for the last four weeks. It seems my body is trying to catch up on some lost sleep but cannot.

Quarter Attendance:Excellent

Think-it-through:

Three things I have enjoyed about this AP Physics Class this year...

1. Working really hard, and getting the results in the classroom and in the class in general. I rose my level as a learner, and I maintained an A throughout the year up until this point in time.

2. Working with Mr. Tillay. I have been like a sponge to water, absorbing everything that I could get. From my observations and experiences, my time with Tillay has made me a better person and even more importantly, a better student.

3. Simply learning physics was an enjoyment in and of itself. Physics is my favorite subject by far, and I enjoy learning the aspects of physics; everything from vectors to electricity and magnetism to even the theories of relativity. My love for physics has been uncovered and nurtured by my teacher, Mr. Tillay.

Three things that I would like changed...

1. I would like to see the class time in the weeks right before the AP exam used better. It seemed a little hectic and sloppy in the way we utilized our class time before the exam, and that rattled me a little coming into the test. To ensure a confident student for the AP Physics exam, our class time in the weeks beforehand should be maximized.

2. Continue to keep the Focus on AP Physics problems! This is where it's at, I hope the class gets more exposure to actual exam free response problems throughout the year.

3. Keep the class on pace to have a good portion of review time for the exam. We had to rush at the end, so I feel if the class is held at a good pace where they are learning what they need to, when they need to, they will be fine.

Myself as a student in five sentences.

When I am motivated, I am the best student. Life problems and social issues in my life hamper my capacity for learning. I bring my level up during crunch time. I rise to expectations and I succeed when it matters most. Looking at the grand scheme of things, I still have a lot to learn!

How do I need to improve?

I need to improve my time management. I cannot do everything, but I do as much as I possibly can and try to succeed in everything I do. This may hold to be a problem, and I am evaluating myself to relieve myself of that problem.

What grade have I earned for 4th quarter? 2nd Semester?

4th quarter: C
2nd Semester: B

I know I was burned out during 4th quarter and I didn't put as much effort as I could have. Frankly I saved all my enjoyment of senior year for 4th quarter, more specifically, right after AP exams.

MR. T's Grade...

1. For the most part, Mr. Tillay is ready to roll right when the bell rings; sometimes, even before the bell! He has his agenda ready days before, and even when we have problems to solve, he still finds a way to slug through problems. Mr. Tillay sometimes admits that he is a bit rusty at times, but we forgive him for that because even if he is rusty, he is still a better problem solver than we are!

2. The section links and files are a great resource. I expect them to grow and to expand; they are one of the tools I used to help me become a more resourceful student.

3. One thing I thoroughly appreciate is the relationship Mr. Tillay and I. Throughout the year we emailed back and forth about problem solving, life, and so forth. He was always willing to email back, talk to me, and he kept himself available to me and my classmates.

5. Problem solving sessions, Self-Evals/Blogs, Projected Daily agenda, Monday Planner Session, Exams, Cornell Notes, Quiz, Fusion Drop Box for HW, Labs, Video Notes, Project, Computer Notes, Notebook checks, Electronic textbook

6. To make AP Physics better for students, we should always be reminded that everyone should take the AP exam and pass! Keep it in their heads that passing the exam is the number one goal, and by all means necessary they all should work towards that goal!

7. Mr. Tillay should adopt stricter deadlines if need be. I feel it is on a class to class basis, and if the class needs to be pushed, they should be.

Up.

Impossible is nothing.

What's Up?

Through everything, I cannot complain. No matter what happens in my life. I am alive, I can still laugh about things, I still have my friends. Life is too short to stop and become passive with things. That's how I go. I come with everything or nothing at all.

There are times where I think about when I die, I wonder if I'll have a conversation with God and we'll go over the decisions in my life that I made. I wonder if he'll tell me what I shoulda done, who I overlooked, if I married my soulmate or not, etc. Sounds very interesting.

As of right now, this weekend is gonna be killer. I have two essays to write in about four hours, starting at 9 am, which is a little over an hour from now. I gotta be at hogan. haha. gotta pick up alex first. Then study for AP Fiziks, haha.



In other news, I'm crushin on someone new. I called her on tuesday night, and we talked for 40 minutes. I hardly see her everyday, and if I do, sometimes it's just a hello and a hug. She's cool, the ghettoest girl I ever was interested in, which makes me feel like it's just a crush, but I'll see. I asked her to the movies yesterday, which was the first time I ever asked a girl to go out and watch a movie with me on a friday night. Instead I went with Rochelle, haha AND WE WATCHED XMEN AND IT WAS THE SHIT!






Even in my short 18 years, I've come to realize that life is never just (insert adjective here) by chance, life is what you make it, and how you perceive things. If you think things are exciting, it's because you think it so. If you think things are boring, it's because you think it so.

Time to go out and live haha

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO



WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'm not okay.

I feel a lot of things. But lately, right when I open the blogger up and type down a few words, I just go "man all of it's going to get better, I don't want to write something here and then it gets fixed and then my entry just seems like wasted words."

Well, really... everyone's just trying to find a way out of my life. Everybody is just so anxious for graduation and their plans, everything. It just seems like right when they get their diploma, zoom they're outta here, and probably very happy to be out too. I get that vibe from people lately, very much so. Nobody wants to stay around it seems, when really someone's here just watching everything fall apart.

Who am I to stop anything? I don't even know if I'm important to them anymore, that's how bad it is. I try everyday to ask how their day was, if anything interesting happened, and everything gets swatted down.

What am I to stop people from what they want? If their future plans for after high school, whether it be moving or going to school, I hope to God that it brings them happiness. Because that's all I want the people I care for to feel-- happy.

But what can I do to contribute to people's happiness? Too many times I've heard that I was a waste of people's time, I was a regret, anything that involved me was a mistake, everything. I feel like total shit. And probably with my words and actions, I probably make everyone else feel like shit too.

How do I feel? I feel like I'm just trying to find happiness. What else could I do when Plan A doesn't work out? Sit around and be sorry for myself? I would die. Yeah, I try to be as happy as someone who's been through what I been through, can you blame me? But the most frustrating thing about it all is that they don't seem to be happy. I get affected when that happens, how could I not? I just don't get anything. I wish I knew what they needed. I know what I need.

The most frustrating thing is that I feel that if I don't try to talk to them, they're just gonna be okay with not talking to me.

Everyone loses.

Coolkid.

Let's go to Lake Herman and throw rocks at the ducks. Then throw boulders off the cliff into the lake hahaha. Let's go to Wing Stop and eat the 20 Wing special for $14.95! Watch movies with me when you have time. We can go to Target just to look at the toys section. Come to the mall with me and shop, hell, come anywhere with me just to shop! Call me at 5 in the morning just to talk. Take the Bart with me, and love the bart! Don't be afraid to take the lead. Gooooo with the flow. Come over and meet my family! Come over period hahah. Teach me how to fly a kite. Bike with me and Alex at the waterfront. Hang out with my friends. Be particular about what matters, and whatever about what doesn't matter. Have Dreams. Dream about us. Listen to Nas, and be into hip hop already without me getting you into it. Have more pairs of shoes than me, hahah. Please wear halfcabs, cuz girls with halfcabs are hella sexy. Dance with me. Shop at Haight and True and wear all the dope stuff I wish I had. Have an opinion about everything, and don't be afraid to speak your mind or hurt my feelings. Be street smart. Naturally love me and I'll naturally love you and I won't have to work for your love and vice versa, it'll just be...perfect.

N*E*R*D

My Hero, haha

6 Things To Never Say To A Girl

"1). Are you okay?

If I'm not okay, I probably don't want to talk about it, and if I am okay, then I'll be irked that you think I'm not. A classic case of, "Heads I win, tails you lose," but what can we do?

2). Is it that time of the month?

Self-explanatory. Just don't go there.

3). Are you really going to wear that?

Yes. I am.

4). I was going to call...

Then you should have.

5). Your friend is pretty.

You are treading dangerous territory, my friend.

6). Mean things about her mother.

Even if our mother is Satan's spawn and we complain about her ourselves, it is not okay for you to follow suit."



I got that from a xanga blogger. Seems pretty damn true, and I've said 4/6 of those things before. It was all bad. Speaking of all bad, right now seems that way. The Bulls are getting their ass whooped, I'm stressin' out studying for these AP tests, I had a very big argument with the person that I don't want to lose from my life even though it seems like they're doing everything possible to do that, I have no friends, etc., etc.

Well, looking on the bright side this week...

Prom was pretty crackin' maaayynn, oh and ex-prom date Janevie came back from Hawaii =]! And she brought me a gift, whooot hahaha! Thanks for the soft-core porn status calendar hahah, I swear once I got it Alex and I got into a big fuss about which girl from each month had real or fake breasts. -___- HAA we even got the girls into it, and even nick hahaha

Cal-day was sick as fuck. It was like, whatever pedestal I held UC Berkeley on, just rose even higher, and whatever thoughts about how dope it was got multiplied by like 100. Big ass campus, joog on the student store (i swear i'm cleaning it out one day), good vibe, engaging students, faculty, and ms. jurkovich was the bomb, yo!

Then the same day I finally got my Cal hat 7 1/2. Finally, after like 2 1/2 weeks.. but it was pretty much worth the wait


finish this later, check me out yo haha

Counting the days.

Time is running down.

Air Salgado (8:08:16 PM): well like, the thing about being a senior in late april
Air Salgado (8:08:36 PM): is that you know that life is going to change very drastically in the immediate future
Air Salgado (8:08:55 PM): and as much as you want to latch on to someone for companionship or love
Air Salgado (8:08:58 PM): you feel hesitant
smartishpnay (8:09:06 PM): yeah thats exactly how i feel.

In all reality, it seems very brash and illogical to have a relationship right now. But sometimes, there are moments where it seems very trying. Days and nights pass when you think of having someone you can trust with everything, you can tell everything, you can call them at anytime and they'll answer, and you know they'll love you for it. I think everyone at some point long for companionship like that, and I feel that everyone in life should have the chance to feel love like that.

I honestly had that before, and I can say I chose to let it go. I made that decision, and for the most part I am proud of myself for it. I dont miss that person, I miss that genuine connection with another person pretty much. Just having something that solid.

But I can feel this way one second, and the next moment not feel a thing. The next moment I can be perfectly fine with my life, loving where I am going with things, feeling for the most part like I don't need someone right now. That's how I feel like 90% of the time.

It's just the remaining 10% where I am either alone at home just thinking, or in the minutes laying in bed before i sleep. Or driving home at night. I think about these things. At Prom I thought about it, like maybe there was a reason why I went alone this year.

There are times where I think I am a total loser because it's been so long since someone's forreals been totally into me. Like I have repellant. Haha.

Although I think all of these things, I do understand that I am very selective in who I choose to like. On the reals, you got to be pretty damn dope if I like you. I understand that I do have my own ambitions to chase, my own life to live, my own shit that I like to get done on a daily basis...

But that doesn't mean that I can't hope. Note to my future girlfriend, whoever you are. You better have a good ass reason why I had to wait this long. Or perhaps why I didn't notice you before. And if I haven't met you yet, apologize for not meeting me earlier. Hahaha.

Life on your own terms is very liberating.

Like a magnet

Let's talk about the laws of attraction, and how they apply to me. Less focus on the physicalities, more focus on the steez, the inner selves. Basically, what is Earnest attracted to?

First of all, good humor is a good thing to have. You don't have to be funny yourself, just understand and parallel yourself with my jokes. A good laugh is a great thing to posess, and if you haven't noticed, you can get away with a lot of stuff if you have good humor about things.

You know how people talk about being unique and liking someone because they're...different? Well, different isn't hard to be, and it's a turn off when people call themselves on it. In all actuality, calling yourself out to be something is a turnoff all its own, unless you're hella sick and you're just that raw. For example, if you say "oh shiznit im the shit cus i do this, this, and that!" then it's not cool. You gots to go!

It's just that I don't believe in making an effort in going against the grain, just for the sake of going against the grain. If something is cool then it's cool, regardless if it's a popular trend or not. True individuality is effortless.

What also attracts me towards people is if they know a lot about alot, is what I call it, meaning that they have either been well traveled, goes out alot maybe and knows good places to shop/eat at, knows movies and music, youtubes, etc. The way you can spot these kinds of people is where you can be talking about something, and they'll overhear and add input and laugh with you. Being updated and keeping in the know is a good way to be resourceful to people.

Confidence is actually very cool. Although there is a difference between being that and being a cocky asshole/ignorant/whack/annoying. Sometimes I get enjoyment out of hearing someone say something really bold, then thinking to myself "Damn! They really just said that!" I say that all the time about the Alex, Alexis, and Justin. Probably why I am always with them. To hear a girl say something audacious is something to see.

Too much of something is ALWAYS a bad thing. I like diverse people. No, not Indians and Ethiopians-- people who can be serious when it comes to it, but still fun and easygoing at other times. Too much of anything-- too much of a goody-good, or too much drugs/alcohol, too much sex, too much studying, too much worrying, too much is too much!

There are also other things that attract or repel me, but I dont like to rabble on. These are the things that I find dope, according to me.

Bear with me.

Little by little, its starting to hit me that I am a Golden Bear, I am going to Cal, I got accepted by the #1 public university in the nation, and I am going to a school with one of the top ten educations in the world. Wooooow.

It was good going to the Chancellor's meeting and seeing the passion in everyone there. I felt pretty good about the whole atmosphere and vibe, knowing that there are knowledgable people who want to help you, lively students who are willing to help, just very upbeat, striving individuals at berkeley.

Saturday will be fun. Gotta get through Friday first haha

New Steez.

Biking. Road bikes. Biking at the waterfront. I might bike to school on wednesday.

I seriously believe I can do anything if I put my mind to it. It's a liberating feeling. One day that attitude might change, and it's something I fear, like when I'm old and settled down. But eventually I might wish it to change and might feel ready to be settled down.



The thing I find about love is that it's not about being soulmates or fit for each other-- it's all about whether you are willing to love that person for who they are or not. Two totally different people-- rock/pop, rap/emo, white/black, muslim/christian, can work simply because they wish it so and they put in the time for it to work. I think it's more attitude than anything. It can all be a failed relationship if you say "well this person isn't compatible because of our different interests, we're different people." I think it's what you make it that counts, same can be said for a lot of other things in life.

Some people are stopped because they realize they are different people, which I understand too. That's just simply selecting because of what you value as a person. I don't blame the smart nerd who dumps their high school drop out girlfriend-- different people, thats fine. But does it necessarily mean that it couldnt have worked out at all? No.

Love is a choice, folks. Someone can be really good to you, but you straight up won't love them. But eventually you can fall in love with maybe a totally messed up person that doesnt seem to make sense or who doesnt "fit" with you, in the eyes of other people. That happens simply because you decided to love that person, and not the nice guy/girl. It happens all the time.

Does it make you a fucked up person? NO! You choose who to love, not anyone else. And as much as it may seem messed up to others around you because of your choices, as long as it's true to you, it is not wrong. People will say that it is not right, but people will eventually understand that its on you, you live your life, not them.

With that said, I pray I won't ever fall into that predicament of choosing the wrong person. I hope I am not blinded by false temptations for some girl who i think wants to be with me, when she will choose not to love me for me.

thinking about all that i just said...i feel like what im trying to say is that I'm scared of putting myself out there, feeling really confident, and getting hurt. I'm scared shitless.


I'm not really particular with love. There is not a long list of requirements for me, I just want someone who's down for me and makes me sure of it.

Musiq - Someone

I never wanted a woman that wanted
Me for my name or material things
See I always hope for a woman
that´s so sure, emotionally secure
With spiritual faith
A woman that I can trust with all of my secrets
And even listen to all of my issues
A woman who never judge
Me or how I was
She deals with me strictly through love

[Chorus:]
Someone who will put up with the things
Loving me can bring
But still be there to see us through
Someone who would put up
With the strange and complicated things
Cause I would do the same for her too
Someone who I can be real with
ain´t gotta be perfect
Because loving one another is all that matters
it´s not hard to explain
So believe me when I say
That I found all of that in you

All that I hope for a friendship that´s so pure
A girl I can talk to bout
whatever is on my heart
A woman that needs me
That trust and believes me
That wont take my kindness as
some kind of weakness
A woman who bares her soul who
is willing to let go
That wants me to lead her but
knows how to take control
And when I am feeling down
Cause things are going wrong
She fills me up and makes me feel strong

[Chorus:]

You are that someone who loves me
Through all my inperfections
You know my heart is filled with
nothing but good intentions
You are the one that told me
Long as we got us
Nothing matters
You are the one that sees the
joy through the pain
You are my light through the rain
Here and now
Girl I am saying it´s you
you´re my heart it´s you
Your that someone I can truly
say that I´ll never find
another love like you

[Repeat Chorus Til End]

Current Events.

To fill you in on what's been happening lately:

1. I am lead role in Vallejo High's spring musical, "Two by Two". It is a play about Noah and the Ark, in which God talks to me and orders myself and my family to build an ark for two of each animal and creature to carry over after 40 days and 40 nights of rain. It's pretty funny to me, and I have a whole bunch of lines to memorize, but its okay. I think it'll be 10x funnier than last year's.

2. Just got my tux for prom. Simple, basic, black tuxedo with red vest and bowtie, and white shirt. Patent leather shoes. I also saw Alexis at Men's Wearhouse too. Small world, right?

3. Speaking of Prom, it is in 9 days.

4. The day after prom is my Cal-day field trip! I have to get to school by 8:00 am. Boo. But I feel this field trip will be worthwhile, I'll be able to see alot of the campus that day, meet a lot of current students and talk to them about their experiences, and get the overall vibe of the University. I'm gonna love college.

5. AP Tests are coming up! I am currently in the process of preparing for both the Physics and Calculus exam. I'm hoping and praying to pass the Physics especially!



I really feel the higher level of maturity kicking in nowadays. Which is odd, because I remember even less than a year ago feeling very unpolished and raw, student-wise and as a young man. I'm starting to feel like a young adult, as odd as that sounds. I think it is expressed inside and out, from my speech and being able to hold conversation with teachers and adults, the vocabulary I use, to being able to go to the bank and make a payment myself, to even my clothes. I used to be the high flying, radical, Nike lovin' Air Salgado. Now I'm more composed, collected, vans-wearing, Heritage-shopping, Berkeley-going Earnest.

There are some days where I have regressions though. I still love Nike haha

School is coming to an end. I know a lot of people who want to just get it over with as quick as possible, but I feel pretty much the same about everything I go through, and school is not an exception. I try to get the most out of everything, make the best of everything, and do all I can in everything. People who know me best know that that's what I've been doing since day 1, since the first day of my freshman year. I just don't buy into all the myths, all the talk about "Senioritis" or how bad VHS is. I..."just do it"...really, things aren't so bad if you don't focus on the downsides, and that's how I feel about everything in life.

The way I live my life is in such a way where I am very thorough with EVERYTHING: I try to leave no stone unturned, when it is time to work, I work hard. When it is time to laugh, I laugh hard. It is this extreme focus on the moment that is key; so as I progress through, I will get the feeling of completeness; and I will have peace with the situation. I think it's the reason why I rarely say "Damn, I miss the times when blah blah blah." I know I got the most out of it when it was right here in front of me, and that's how I treat every day, every moment, everything I involve myself in. Yeah, there are times when I miss things, I am human, but for the most part I am okay with things.

Keeping the right attitude is what's important. It's what's led me to my successes, and I feel if I continue to keep feeling the same about life, the possibilities are endless. With it I feel I can do anything I wish, get through Berkeley, get a good amount of money that people want so much, get a nice house, new Mercedes, stuff like that.

I mean yeah, I do tend to drone on and lecture from time to time about these things, but it's what I do, baby. I'm a born leader, its almost natural to feel the need to tell people what they need to hear. It's almost like I feel it is my obligation to others, to share my values. I mean, what good is it to be a high character, good person; believe in all these good virtues, but not articulate it to others as best you can?

But I'll tell you what, it's not easy being me, though. Even though I put out this vibe about me that I am very in-control with everything, I do have weaknesses. I guess that's for another blog one day haha

You know my name, you've seen my work...

Here is list of my completed assignments during our Spring Break:

Cornell Notes:

Unit 14 -
(Ch. 14 (14.7 - 14.9) was previously done before break)
Ch. 22 (22.1 - 22.7)
Ch. 27 (27.1 - 27.2)

Unit 15 -
Ch. 26

Unit 16 -
Ch. 30
Ch. 31
Ch. 32

Unit 19 -
Ch. 22 (22.4 - 22.5)
Ch. 24 (24.0 - 24.8)
Ch. 27
Ch. 28

Unit 20 -
Ch. 22 (22.1, 22.3, 22.5, 22.6)
Ch. 23
Ch. 24
Ch. 25

Unit 21 -
Ch. 18
Ch. 19
Ch. 21
Ch. 29 (29.6 - 29.7)

Concept Development Pg. 103 - 116, 123 - 127, 129, 130 - 132
Hickman Pg. 183 - 184, 209 - 230

Online Practice Questions Ch. 18, 19, 21, 22, 23

Blue Sheets Units 19, 20, 21, 15, 16

Dear Rachel.

Hi, my name is Earnest Salgado and I've been a friend of Rachel's since 9th grade. She was often in many of my classes, and I recall spending part of the passing period before Ms. William's Geography class sitting on her desk, making her laugh (or trying to) while she played solitaire on her white ipod nano. It was funny because she would always give me this look like 0_o ... and then continue to play. Looking back on it now, she's probably given everyone else including myself that same look a thousand times.

We would get more acquainted with each other in 10th grade, where we would all sit at the same tables at lunch, those tables near the library and behind the english building. Those days are in the past now, but I will always cherish the days when people like carl, natalia, korvel, hannah, angel, lily, miguel, casey, abi, occasionally alex, alexis, and justin, (wassup joes) rachel, and myself would sit down with our respective lunches, mooch, laugh, and enjoy each others company. I'll never forget the times where you would let me finish your burrito, or the times where we would try to fit EVERYONE into a single table, and on a good day we did. I wouldn't know all you guys if it weren't for those lunch periods together, thanks.

Eventually people grow into their own self, people individualize and grow apart, and thats what everyone did, including rachel. Rachel's worked hard to become the person she is today, to be where she is with her life now. I always will admire how she always did her own thing-- she made her decisions based on what is important to her, even if it is untraditional and crazy. But sometimes crazy is what normal people label the extraordinary.

Okay, I've taken up enough time, I'd just like to say Happy Birthday again to Rachel Aguarin and I hope you have many many more, Thank you

I just thought this was cool haha

KITSUNE MAISON 7 TEASER VIDEO
by MaisonKitsune

Thoughts of Mine.

I think girls that look like Fobs are unattractive.

I need some Neosporin.

Have you invested in Michael Jackson's CD "Off the Wall"? If not, please listen to "off the wall", "girlfriend", and "cant help it" to name a few.

I need some money. For rachel's gift, my cal hat, and a blue button up.

I have a problem with authority. Most of the time I obey/listen to directions if I respect you.

I need to do my homework.

I don't think I'd be able to handle being in a relationship with a girl who loves to party. You cannot be my girlfriend if you think I'm tripping because you danced with hella guys at a party. You gots to go!

I don't think I'm boyfriend material in general. I'm very awkward with girls now, and the ones I'm not are only my close friends.

Alexis is smooth like butter with women though. It's fun seeing him game on a chick.

I love my mom.

Life is fun right now. Thank God for everything.

I probably second-hand smoke more than is good. Thanks friends.

'Nsync slaps hard. Enough said.

I honestly love to sing in the car. I never thought I was a great singer, I just sing. I believe in that thing that goes, "If you can walk, you can dance. If you can talk, you can sing" type thing

I like being silly. I love making people laugh

I think it is the worst thing to be a pessimist. I am a devout optimist. Hey, its worked out for me so far right?

Concord Mall is losing credibility with me. Seriously. Y'all better have your Cal hat when I come back on Friday. Very threatening right? HAHAH

whooooooo

I'M GOING TO BERKELEY!!!!!!

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO UC BERKELEY! WHOOOOOT

Spring semester 2010 though. I'm okay about it, because the very next morning after I certified-mailed my reservation spot for the Berkeley Fall Extension Program for freshmen who got accepted into the spring semester. It was a $100 fee by check, and a page I had to print out, and hopefully I got reserved because there are only 625 spots in this program.

I read up on it and it says that it is okay for me to reserve a spot in the program before sending my letter of intent, and I will be notified if I got into the program after May 1. However, I am wondering if this program and how I fare in it will affect my spring semester in any way.

Anyway, I will be keeping myself busy by taking a couple classes over the summer and maybe in the fall as well if I don't get into the fall extension program. Particularly I'd want to take an English class, a calculus class, and a computer class. Hopefully these are spread out and I will be very careful in not burning myself out before college.

Thank you Ms. Jurkovich, I was really expecting Berkeley to turn me down especially after being declined from Cal Poly. Even after receiving my acceptance into Berkeley I was hesitant into which school should I choose, Berkeley or Davis. I'm taking time during this spring break to talk it over with all of my family and close friends and they said that they would be especially proud of me if I went to Berkeley. It has been my dream school, and the only thing that I am hesitant about is whether or not I will be able to handle the workload and rigor of Berkeley. Could you tell me a little bit more about your personal experience as a student, academic-wise?

Again, thank you very much and I think if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have been able to get through the personal statement and application phase AT ALL. I am grateful for your help and all those times where you called me out of class to make sure I was on the right track with my college stuff.

I know, long email. Sorry! hahah

Earnest Salgado

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Earnest,
AHHHH!!! (I know, I got a list of students who were accepted on Thursday night.. I was absolutely thrilled when I saw your name on the list, I was screaming at my computer, haha)!!! CONGRATULATIONS, I am SO proud of you! Honestly, I knew you would get in, you are a perfect fit for Berkeley.

And I'm so glad you already reserved a spot for Fall Extension. I'm sure you will be fine since you reserved a spot so quickly. I have many friends who took fall extension courses for the first semester, and they all graduated with students in 4 years who started the "normal" way in the fall on the Berkeley campus. By the way, spring admits are selected randomly, so it has nothing to do with your qualifications. Berkeley does this because it has something to do with enrollment numbers, and they have more spots in the Spring. And extension classes are held (or they were when I was there, this could have changed, I'll find out) at a large church next to the dorms, just a couple of blocks from the actual Berkeley campus. And often times, extension students may live in the dorms. You want to make sure you reserve housing as soon as you are able to do so. I
had tons of friends in extension who lived on my floor in the dorms freshman year. I know students really like extension because class sizes are a bit smaller, and because you're in classes only with extension students, you tend to form a close community of friends. If for some reason your spot is not reserved, do let me know, I'll see if I can pull any strings! (I do doubt this though since you sent in a reservation so quickly).

Fall extension doesn't affect your spring semester. If you took classes in the fall through extension, you would start spring semester on the actual Berkeley campus. Also, the professors for Extension are still real Berkeley professors, so you are getting the same amazing education. Your extension classes give you the same types of credits as "normal" enrollment.

And I was in your situation too, thinking about Davis or Berkeley. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to deal with the rigor of Berkeley, and so afraid that everyone else would be smarter than me. But after my first semester at Cal, I found out everyone feels that way. I have every absolute confidence that if you attend Cal, you will be successful there. You are an intelligent, resourceful student who will ask questions if something doesn't make sense and utilize resources to help you through. I'm not saying it will be easy, because it isn't for anyone, but Berkeley has an incredible support system for students through tutoring services, etc. Professors have office hours, graduate students are there to help you as well. And if you live in the dorms, often the dorms provide tutoring services, as well. Berkeley is a challenge, but that challenge brought me such rewards and gave me an education I think is truly unique to that university. I honestly think it's the one of the best educations
you can get in the world. And I think that if you attend Berkeley you might surprise yourself with your capabilities...that's what happened to me. I was convinced I would not get above C's in my classes, but I actually never ended up getting below a B. And I came from a high school where no one goes away to college, let alone Cal, so it was even extra scary because it was like uncharted waters...I had no idea if high school had prepared me.

Obviously, my opinion is going to be biased, and you need to attend college where you feel fits you the best, but don't not go to Berkeley only because the rigor is intimidating. I think what I loved so much about Cal was the fact that not only did I get an amazing education inside the classroom, but you learn so much from the diversity of the other students there, too. And remember, you were selected to go there from thousands of other qualified applicants, because the admissions officers know that if you attend, you will succeed and know that you have something great to offer to the campus community.

I will forward you an invitation to a reception for new admits with UC Berkeley's Chancellor tomorrow...the reception is on April 15th from 5:30-7:30pm, and it would be wonderful if you and your parents could attend (I'll be there!). The chancellor will speak, and the reception is for students from high schools who have EAOP/Destination College type
programs.

Sorry, that was long, too. But let's definitely talk when we get back from break... I could go on for years about how much I love Cal, and why I think you would too! haha And email me if you have any questions/concerns over this week, I will be checking my email often.

Congrats, again! I know your family must be so proud of you! And be proud of yourself, this is a huge accomplishment. YAY!!!

Kristen Jurkovich



WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This is cool.

It's cool having a relationship with my mom where she literally asks me, "Are you going out today?" and I reply "yeah" and she's cool with it.

All she said was "Okay, just eat breakfast before you leave. And mail my letter at the post office."

No hassle? No questions? Just an errand? Boy, this is the life. Makes me feel like the world is mine.

It's good knowing that you are responsible enough to be left alone with yourself and know that you won't abuse your liberties for doing malicious or mischievous activities. I sure like to study, laugh, and learn though!


Today I might go buy a Cal hat at Concord. Or hang out with the Mains and Joes. Then study somewhere, maybe the library.

Rejoice to God, for I am alive!

Closer to my Dreams.

I'll be honest. I was hesitant, reluctant, even scared stiff to enter the next post in here. I kind of did leave everyone on a cliffhanger ending the last one. Sorry, haha but I'm not 100% sure yet!!

But i am 99%. Let me take you guys back to the past 48 hours.


After opening that logging into myBerkeley thursday night and seeing that I actually got accepted, I remember it being bittersweet. I was blind, and didn't know how to take it. Should I be bouncing off the walls? Should I be angry that they just made my decision harder? Am I right to feel bittersweet and unsure? I put all of the racing thoughts into my blogger.


I still felt restless, so I put some of that energy into writing. It helped me write "Letter to my future girlfriend". I actually thought it was better than all of the crap I thought up for this years poetry slam, haha. I even had a few impromptu introduction words for the poem, inspired from the Thank you message that Pharrell said on the inside of the cover to the N*E*R*D album Fly or Die. It was dope.

The next day was Hella Poetic, and it helped me put off thinking about my decision even more. The event was cool. Highlights of the night was hearing Abdi, Johnny, and Lexationship. "I still miss smellin' yo muh'fuckinn hair..." I went home that night and slept away, not even thinking much about college. Berkeley did send me a couple letters that said "Congratulations on your acceptance to UC Berkeley", but it wasnt a formal big envelope kind of letter. I was kind of puzzled.

I am proud Johann got accepted. She'll go places. Change. Grow up. And I'll watch her get in and out of the shit she gets into. She'll always be gay to me.

Mary got in too. I'm not going to tell her to go. I feel that is a homo job. Hint, johann.

But yeah, I'm going to church. I'll continue. There is lots more. Sorry for the cliffhangers.